Hi, I’d like to tell you a bit about myself.

I’m a nearly 50 year old Mum to 3 boys aged 27, 14 and 12.  I had PND after the birth of all 3, and also suffered with depression as a teenager, had a break down in my mid 20’s and several other bouts of depression lasting up to a year or so in between.

Most of my depressive episodes seem to be linked to work, and until my current job, they usually ended up with me being sacked (this was before the advent of DDA)  This affected me to such an extent that for 12 years I didn’t work, considering myself unemployable and happy to be a SAHM.  Then I started doing a little Mystery shopping, and ended up running my own dog training business for a couple of years.

I’ve never been 100% comfortable in social situations, and eventually running classes took its toll and I ended up depressed again.  I took on some temp work and found a ‘perm’ position which I enjoyed - then this too triggered off my depression.  I worked through this, then got made redundant!  Almost straight away walked unto my current job - which I loved - being a PA to a ‘one man band’ director.  Now we’ve taken on a third member of staff, and my really sweet boss has turned into the ‘boss from h*ll’  I’m back on the Prozac again :(  I told my boss today that I’m depressed and tried to tell him how work has been affecting me, but it’s not easy….....

How do you deal with employment and depression?

Raksha Xx I work for myself Xxx I have felt the same in the past about jobs and I am a bit of a big softie so people have walked all over me. I found that there is only one important need in life the need to be happy Xxx When I am happy I am ‘king’ Elvis sang in Kid Creole the man who can sing when he hasn’t got a thing is the king of the whole wide world. You are enough you are beautiful wonderful courageous enough to run your own company and you are sooooooooooooo special you don’t deserve anybody to be mean cruel or rotten to you. I tell myself when something goes wrong it is a challenge or a lesson because in hindsight it was. Time to go time to move on to better places, yet at the time it was a private living hell. You deserve to be in Heaven a beautiful wonderful mum with the strength to bring up 3 children. I only had the strength to bring up one XXHUGXX look at the evidence . Your wise enough to know its linked to work your sorrow. My step father always said to many people ‘nar decided when I was 14 I would work for myself, I never would let somebody tell me what to do’ Retired now he was in his day a rich entrepeneur who made bispoke furniture. Do you know we are all special unique and wonderful in our own way and knowing yourself is a wonderful thing XxxHugXxx you know the truth, you are wise and self disciplined enough to have your own career and run a large family that can send most of us mums crazy without the extra pressures. You don’t have to deal with anything you don’t need to deal with Xxx I thought to myself the other day I need to do this I need to do that then I thought I need to do nothing Xxx Do you need to work ? Would you be happier in another job ? I went to a psychiatrists many moons ago with depression and he said change jobs or you’ll come back to me years later mad. He basically told me to go and smell the flowers why put myself through it what for a mortgage a house ruin my mental health for a house !!! so when I lose my marbles who knows what ???. Mind you I had no responsibilities then, no children. Have you spoken to Will ? Have you spoke to Hope ? they have been through similar Xx I shall pop over and ask them to drop you a post XxYou shouldn’t need to take prozac to have to go to work, thats dreadful XxHUGxx Chloe Xxx

p.s Nobody should pay their staff to take prozac XxhugXx

Hi Chloe,

Thanks for the wise words.  I feel I’m caught between the ‘devil and the deep blue sea’ as I’ve never found a job I find as fulfilling as this one has been so walking out is not an option - one part of the business runs creative workshops for young people who are often troubled, in Pupil Referral Units etc.  the other side is more glamorous and is linked with bands and entertainers, we often supply ‘mix and mingle’ entertainers for F1 and other prestigious events, as well as being linked with lots of sporting world records.  I am the ‘backroom’ that keeps everything going once the other two staff have made the ‘sale’ - I make the event happen!  Putting the right people in the right place…....  Since the new guy was taken on (he and I do not get on, he seems to belittle me at every opportunity and seems to resent that I was there before him, he’s a terrible manager and an even worse salesman (and my boss knows my feelings about that) - the promotions side of the business is now supporting the workshops side which he is responsible for, which has put my boss under even more pressure and I think that is why he’s being so horrid)

How can one person spread so much poison?  I’ve only met one other person like that before, and I ended up leaving that job - I will not leave this one because of him…......

Hello Xx oh gosh what a shame. I had a nightmare at work with a couple of people in the past. One ended up as my bridesmaid, she turned out to be the nicest kindest loveliest person I know from a little hitler. We had this massive falling out and she said she was very jealous of me as she was the centre of attention until I turned up Xx so we became sisters of attention and like shared it and praised eachother afterwards it was never planned that way it just evolved. At the time i was living a private hell of worry and dreading going into work. She thought I was a privately educated and be stuck up I explained how she has a mother who adores her and i have a mother who never cared for me and we talked about lots of stuff. Thats my tale Xx I just know that whatever is going to happen is going to happen for the best the hell wont last it just sends humans into a fight or flight blind panic Xx

It sends me into fight or flight blind panic Xx I get so tired in knots of worry I don’t know if I am coming or going XX My whole world comes crashing down with a huge thud if somebody is being rotten and I am no good at handling confrontation or sticking up for myself then I fester and destort the facts so much in my head I am not in control and then I spiral into sadness and feel miserable XXx HUG XXX

Morning Raksha, I was just reading your posts and thinking the same as Chloe that you shouldn’t have to take Prozac to be able to cope with your job.  Given that you’ve raised 3 children and need to take prozac for your job tells me that things are pretty bad as you obviously have a high ‘pain threshold’. I do feel for you.

Your job sounds very interesting and rewarding and you’re obviously very good at it and your boss thinks so (despite his current aberration which does sound like it’s down to stress and frustration with his company not running as smoothly as it once did)  so I can imagine why you want to stay there.

People are all so different.  We are all coloured and sometimes scarred by our past experiences and bring a mixed bag of personalities, skills and insecurties to the table which can cause havoc when personalities clash or need different things and the balance is rocked.  Until the bag settles, and you can really see what you’re left with and start to make sense of it, it can be a rocky road.  This can happen quickly or can take a long time and is made more difficult as the job still needs to be done along the way with results.  It sounds like the person concerned is relatively new?  Do you think he’s trying to prove himself or feels insecure or is struggling with the job?  Do you see things getting better or does that prospect just seem too far away?

Do you feel that prozac is making the situation more bearable at the moment?  Is your intention just to stay on in until the situation improves?

Your boss and company have a duty of care to you.  If you’ve told him that you suffer from depression he/the company should be making every effort to accomodate that fact.  Managers often struggle as managers and if it’s his own business, which it sounds like it is, he is probably struggling himself as he must see the unrest around him. Not that this helps you right now.
                                                               
I’m not sure how big the company is.  Does the company have a Human Resources or company doctor or someone you can talk too about this?  If not do you feel that you might benefit from talking to someone about it. Obviously you can talk to us.  There are some wonderful words of wisdom from people here on the site.  I am glad that you’re not bottling it up any more and feel sure that you get more support from the site.  Thinking of you Raksha.  I will say that if you can bring up 3 children, you can do anything Raksha and I hope that it gets resolved very quickly.  Best wishes, Helen

I so agree with Helen Xx gosh she is so right XxHug SO very sorry XX I never got to finish my post my daughter has this dreadful cough and I had the most busiest day Xxx so sorry I never got back to you properly Xx What I was trying to say was good things and bad things are on a cycle a fluctuating peaks and troughs. The wheel of happiness then upset the wheel swings back around again the cycle of life. Like today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well Xxx life is full of ups and downs and its rich tapestry and losing my rag because things have got too much and people are hurting me and getting away with it Xxx then I get really upset Xx Sometimes i wonder if people do it on purpose or they are addressing their own needs and not realise the pain they cause or ego gets in the way and destroy harmony. Younger people by design are more selfish is the other collegue a youngster ? they haven’t learnt the skills of life or matured enough to be considering another persons feelings sometimes, I look back and think I can’t believe I was so selfish and horrid sometimes when I was younger. I really feel for you and send you all my love and best wishes I have been in a job from hell with lovely people and that was absolutely wonderful compared to the wonderful job with the people from hell. Yet thats my perspective my life my needs, its not easy going to work with a cloud over me thats why I work for myself. I have been renowned for being a bullies target, my last job as a mature student I was bullied by a young girl and thats my memory of work, oh I shudder to think of her !!!!. I haven’t got the skills to assert myself and not worry about the consequences. If the drugs do work and you find your peace then why not Xx A friend of the family had a book living with Prozac and I do believe some people rate them. Yet I often come back to my metaphor of the plant put the plant in the wrong place and it’ll die put it on the windowsil next to the sun and water it and it thrives. If the happiness of the work outways the unhappiness of the people and the prozac help you might be working your way through it to a happier place and peace at work and it might be just something you need to work out with your boss and the prozac help the positive thoughts the positive perception why not I know after exercise I see things differently because my brain chemistry changes. I would say I know alot of friends on prozac and pills and they manaage there is no crime in a little help as long as it is supervised by a doctor. Just as long as its not michael Jacksons doctor XxHUGXXX You are going to be ok Xx all is going to be well Xxx time sorts out prayers heart ache and pain and things do mend or fall apart and whatever happens life has a way of making it for the best XXXHUGXXX I hope I helped XXhugXxx Chloe Xx p.s singing a happy song helps me Xx marisa peer has that in her book, using mental techniques imaging somebody on the toilet helps some people sorry to be crude and that is not in her book. Paul mac kenna says to imagine them small and me big yet that never worked I believe he got that from bandler, you might need to talk to a life coach for support or a NLP therapist they might be able to help use cognitive techniques. There is also emotrance, EFT and meditation. Go get em sister you gotta fight for your rights to party .....think of a really cool tune’I will survive’ and kick box those bad thoughts right out of your head get ready for action and stand up for your rights you brought up 3 kids your strong, and clever enough to get through this you already proved your strength 3 kids your wonder woman. A friend said a woman fights like a tiger for her children you can do it for this job. Stick the rod of iron through your back bone smile and walk onto that stage, Margaret thatcher your a woman a wonderful leader you with a soft sensitive side your a magician a saint and Joan of Arc march towards your victory YOUR A WONDERFUL WONDERFUL ‘’‘WOMAN’‘’ Xxx Full of strength we can give birth on a battle field and fight to the bitter end XXX Love you Xx Hug you Xxx good luck Xxx Hope I made you smile Xx I shall shut up now XXXXX

Raksha Xx hope your having a nice day XXhug Xxx

Raksha Xx I hope I helped you in some way Xxx I talk about myself to gain empathy and hope you might resolve your problems with your own thoughts and solutions and you come across a very intelligent super person listening to me might spark something in you. My solutions work on me because they are my solutions my stuff and might not work for somebody else. I hope I inspire some positive thoughts and I hope I helpedXXhugXx I hope I didn’t come across as bombarding you with my oppinions which I do feel conscious of Xxx I only do things like that when I care and I was so cross to hear somebody coming into a little heaven and turn it into a hell and I get frustrated Xxsorry xx I hope you are ok Xxx I know when I am upset and I get blasted with advice I just feel overwhelmed with finding a soluition Xx my daughter was watching moo bar double quack double quack on ceebbc and I thought of you the mother duck said to the animals there isn’t any problem that hasn’t got a solution, and looking back over my life that has been true XxI hope you are feeling better and I hope we helped XxhugXxx thinking of you xx I looked into my crystal ball and it said a couple of months down the line you’ll be smiling again and its all going to work out fine. Just needed a little turbulence to make some changes for the better XXHUGXx Chloe

Hello Rakasha,

I just read your story.  How are you today?

Sorry to hear about what you are going through at work at the moment.  Like you a while back, I discovered this website, and have met quite a few amazing people like Helen, Chloe, Brencoot, Will, Jean etc who encourage me to believe in life.  We have all suffered depression at some stage in our lives.  Here we share our stroies, frustrations and encourage each other to live on and be strong.  I feel for your situation as I had been in similar situation.  I guess for me to get better is to make some changes both internally and externally.  I changed my work, my attitude towards life, and also am very glad to have support and love from family and true friends.  I do take medications now, and I see it as a part of recovery and staying healthy process.  Nothing to feel bad and shameful about that although I used to hate the idea of being on medication.  NOwerdays, I take the approach that if it is helpful towards my well being, then I am open to suggestion. 

Do you have an outlet in life?  What do you do for fun?  Any exercises that interest you?  Have you take a DAY OFF FOR YOU recently?  Do you keep a reward journal? There are a few things that I have discovered along the journey to make myself apprecaite for what I have achieved in life.  Having 3 kids, ran your own business, being a good employee… you have achieved so much in life. Rakasha.  I think that you are an amazing person, and I am very glad that you have found us here.

Hope you are feeling a little bit better.  We are here for you.

lol
Hope

Hello Raksha, how are you?

I think you have already said what you feel about the possibility of quitting work, and that is that you don’t want to, so I think you should defend your corner. You said you have spoken to your boss, but have you managed to get their opinion on the whole thing? If you feel as strongly about this new person as you seem to, there’s a fair chance that your boss does too, and like you said, your boss also seems stressed, so I’m guessing the cause of the stress could be the same. I’m sure your boss is busy and it’s hard to get time to talk, but it sounds like you both need to.

As for the new man belittling you, there’s a fair chance that that comes from some kind of inferiority complex. It’s amazing how many aggressive, cocky people are actually just scared/unsure inside. Not that that makes it any easier for you to deal with.

Anyway, I hope you are OK, and as they say, don’t let the b**tards grind you down!