Saw this article about Helen in a woman’s mag, thought it might help me, to put stuff down on paper, so to speak. I have suffered from depression and anxiety nearly all my adult life, probably about 19 to now 57.  For the past year I have had a patch that wont go away. it all seems a jumble, I have good days and bad, but I don’t understand it all. I have been ok for years met a new man 13 years ago, after a disaster of a marriage. Two lovely children 30 and 32. I started having anxiety/ panic attacks over 12 months ago, don’t know why, they manifest themselves in different ways, my worst times are mid morning if I am getting ready to go out. I am going on holiday next week, I am looking forward to it, but anxious and overwhelming at the sametime. I want to enjoy my holiday, anybody that knows me, know how much I love my hols, but this year its different. I had a bad day last Wednesday, keep thinking, what if I am like this on holiday. My partner is good, knows how I feel but still cant help how I feel, all this anxiety wish it would do one.  I have a nice GP, just got an appointment through to see Psychological services on the 1st of August. I get exhausted, being me is exhausting, sometimes I just have to go to sleep to refresh myself. I want to enjoy life, look forward, I am not working, had to leave my job, although didn’t really like it. IF ANYBODY CAN GIVE ME A FEW POSITIVES I WOULD BE GRATEFUL..  Kaznat69

Hello Kaznat and welcome to the site.  It is great that you say you were ‘well’ for such a long time and that you have a wonderful man in your life and two lovely children.  It sounds like you deserve it.  You sound like a lovely partner and mother.  You are grateful for all you have and I always think that gratitude is the right attitude and can help greatly with depression.  If you say you don’t know why your panic attacks have started does that mean that you aren’t or haven’t noticed being particularly stressed about anything in your life at the moment? Have there been any major changes in your lives in the last year or two? 
I am sure that you are looking forward to your holiday.  Chloe on the site has written some amazing, supportive and helpful tips about panic attacks if you care to read some of her posts.  We have an article about panic attacks and anxiety on the site.  Here is the link if you want to take a look. Click here for article on panic attacks and anxiety.
Just one suggestion if I may; if your panic attacks can be worse mid morning could you try doing something you really like doing every morning mid morning like having a coffee or watching your favourite programme or having a pampering bath so that you look forward to that time.  Just thought it might be worth a try to see what happens.  I certainly don’t mean to preach or tell you what to do Kaznat but I am a great believer that little things can make a big difference especially cumulatively and treating ourselves in some small way daily. 
August 1st seems like quite a way off for your referral but we are always here Kaznat and look forward to seeing you here if you would like to be.  Thinking of you.  Best wishes, Helen

Hi Kaznat,
Just thought I’d say hi, I’m too going through a bad patch at the moment after having anxiety and depression for a few years now. I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone. I don’t want to say “I know how you feel” because that’s not helpful, we’re all different, but at the moment I’m going through days where I feel that everything is too much, and I don’t understand how to just “be”, it’s like it’s too much hard work just trying to figure out what to say and where to sit, never mind going to work and being in a relationship. I’m not sure if that makes sense to you, but what you said rung a bell with me.
I know there’s so much pressure to enjoy yourself with things like holidays, but when I’m feeling down I just get even more annoyed at myself for feeling down when I’m “supposed” to be enjoying myself, then I get stuck in a downward spiral and guilt and depression. I told my mum the other day that I was going through a bad patch, and although she was well meaning, her suggestion that we go on holiday to make me feel better just didn’t help. I suppose the best thing to do is try to take as much pressure off yourself as possible, e.g. not trying to plan what to do with your day too much while you’re on holiday, just go with the flow. And just try to be aware of all the good little things that you experience on your holiday, like the feel of the sun warming your skin (assuming you’re going somewhere hot!), spending time with your partner, how good a nice meal tastes etc.
I hope that makes sense and it doesn’t sound like I’m preaching, I just thought I’d share the things that I’m trying to do to get through the day at the moment.
Best wishes x

Dear Kaznat, I just wanted to say have a lovely holiday.  What great advice and support from Gems.  Thinking about it I often find that going with the flow rather than planning which gives me time to worry about how it will go, works for me too.  I’ll be thanking Gems for that tip!  Take care Kaznat and may the sun shine for you inside and out. xx

Dear Katnaz,hope this helps as i just read your post,and i also have suffered on and off for many years with depression/anxictey just before christmas we booked a hoilday to mauritus for 3 weeks leaving march 22nd i was so excided as i also love hoildays! then in january i started to feel unwell starting with the odd panic attack at work,and then for me it got worse quite quickly! i was so worried about going on hoilday all the happyness i felt when booking had gone!when telling anyone they said are you mad your going a way to a wonderful island!which made me feel so much worse as you know when your ill you could win the lottery and the deprssion whould still be there! i really know and fully understand how you feel,but you know what i went the depression did come with me but i coped! and i did enjoy myself,just take one day at a time and dont expect to much from yourself be kind to yourself!  x x x x