Jamie xx I am so glad I have helped Xxx you have been through the wars crawling through a broken heart XXXXXHUGXXXXX
I hope the spring puts a bounce back in your step Xxx My friend with a broken heart was glowing from receiving an email from this man she really liked, She was getting petrol from the petrol station and noticed men smiling at her she told me your right I m giving off happy vibes. I loved it she got the aha Xxx You need to shine XxhugXx Have you got any ways you could shine perhaps through sports Xxx a friend told her lonely male friend who was an AO in the civil service to join the fire brigade, He became very popular with the girls same dull bloke became a babe magnet was he dull ummmm no just in the wrong place at the wrong time Xxx he was smiling from ear to ear , because he was such a great dull guy he really hated turning women down bless him, I remember him well Xxx A really sexy car helped another friend because it made him feel sexy he got the aha smiles then too because he had the glow Xxx I met lots of great lads on a scuba diving course when I was single we used to hang out and have a great laugh, beach parties they were a great bunch of people to have a laugh with, plus I joined the marine conservation society and met nice people when I was lonely, learnt loads of stuff at the same time. Another friend her sister learnt Japanese and found her husband. Anyway its not about finding a partner, its about having a lots of fun Xxx and get your cafe back as the greeks say Xx So do you still wanna be good in bed ? Xx Chloe

Can anybody help . I feel isolation . Tried to kill myself . Paul

Paul Xxx Your too precious to kill yourself Xxxx what are you like XXXhugXxx Hey I can tell you now the church would be packed out Xxx and you wont be around to see how much people love you and care for you well you might be in spirit Xxx May I ask why ? You don’t have to tell me Xx Please stay around to find out how much you are loved respected appreciated and liked Xxx People sadly aren’t as gushie as me so they probably wouldn’t tell you outright Xxx When I wanted to kill myself my sister wrote a letter she is as hard as nails an iron lady hard as rock scarie woman SHE wrote me this letter she told me how much she cared gosh it was the most beautiful letter, I am crying now from the memory. She got to tell me when I was alive. I don’t want to kill myself anymore because I read a clairvoyant book since and it said people who kill themselves stay in this horrid limbo for ever and ever and never pass over. That was enough to stop me wanting to do it. I have felt like it since yet I know it would be for the wrong reasons. I have been stuck in this limbo of feeling lost lately too, then a really close friend brought me back to normal again I never realised how lost I had become guess I was in denial. All the fuss has Made me really really happy and I am still buzzing I just needed some love and attention. I am here and I promise to listen Xxx I am going on a bike ride now to set me up for the day. I was skipping this morning with a skipping rope !!! Xx see it helps the exercise helps me see things in a happy way, makes me realise nothing is anbodys fault it’s just what is XXHUGXXX sending you lots of love XXX You are gorgeous enough precious enough and loveable enough XXHUGXXXxx Please talk to us Xxx Helen should be on soon, she has a wonderful wonderful way of making things look better she does for me often and I love her very much XxxHUGS Chloe

Paul Xxx your not alone now Xxx Chloe Xxx you have a friend in me Brencoot Jean Helen Joy Xxx Smile Xxxx

Paul xxx I am going to be that friend to you Xx I am going to write you that letter Xxx Tell me about yourself if you can Xxx If not, thats fine Xx just know that I am here Xxx You have a friend in me Xxx all of us Xxx HUG Xxx Chloe

Chole x big hug all the hurt and the pain . Truly all things in my life hurt . I will open up and tell you about myself . There is no point in telling lies x My wife left me for someone else . When I got hurt in the army . Then got mental problems . Last 3 years I was living with a girl x she through me out . She said didnt undertand my mental state . Then I took loads of pills . I live in a town with no friends . My boss is mean and not honest . I have a flat where I stare at walls. Cry to sleep at Night .

Paul Xxx
A friend gave me this CD when I was cracking up Xx it saved me, changed me, comforted me and made me see life in a different light a different purpose xx it’s by the verve Xx my song to you Xx

8: Weeping Willow
When morning breaks
We hide our eyes and our love’s aching
Nothing’s strange

It was in our hands from six to ten
It slipped right out again

There’ll be no better time
There’ll be no better way
There’ll be no better day to save me
Save me, yeah, save me, yeah save me

I hope you see like I see
I hope you see what I see, yeah yeah
I hope you feel like I feel

And the world don’t stop
there is no time for cracking up
Believe me friend
Cause when freedom comes
I’ll be long gone
You know it has to end

There’ll be no better time
There’ll be no better way
There’ll be no better day to save me, save me
Yeah, save me, yeah, save me
I hope you see like I see
I hope you feel what I feel
Someone to stand beside me, beside me
Beside me, beside me, beside me

Weeping willow, the pills under my pillow
Weeping willow, pills under my pillow
Weeping willow, the Gun under your pillow
Weeping willow, weeping willow
Beside me, beside me, beside me, beside me

Paul Xx I’ll stand beside you Xx walk with me Xxx you can smile again xxChloe

To chole you very caring x glad you are feeling better and you find happiness in things again x I will tell you all about me I promise . My friend x Its a special day x thank you chole x you have made me smile again x hugs paul

Chole just so happens I have it playing in my car . When morning breaks . What happened to you my friend . Seems you were really hurt. Geeks and low lifes with On feelings or cares . Cuddles snuggles sharing caring . Means so much . I am trying to eat again . Just hard to find the will . My friend people are mean when it comes to understanding mental problem s . In germany I was in hospital for 2 weeks . Broke down . I have the shakes . Chole big thank you for been here for me x hugs paul

Paul Xx my father was in the army Xx and I have dated somebody in the army before now and was previously married to the navy. Its a very different life, the brain washing then your spat out. I remember one of my friends had just joined as a tiffie in the navy and she was doing is it BFT running along and she said permission to have a pee marm and she said yes so she started to come out of line the female officer said no I gave you permission to pee not come out of line so she had to wee running. I thought that was dreadful. I think she fainted on her ‘passing’ out parade because she was so weak emotionally and mentally.  The forces like to own their people, build them up, drag them down, build them up I never realised till I was older thats what it meant, they give so much solidarity accomadation and money people can not but want to stay. Then the squaddies get bossed about by their commanding officer then they need to be one of the boys one of the girls show no weakness whoever it may hurt because they are in a pack and dare not be picked on. I have done it myself on a run ashore I ordered a helicopter and said I was a captain. Being a civilian staying on a shore base as a works exchange I was nearly dismissed from the civil service. Lucky the captain in charge had a sense of human and everybody laughed about it. Sadly for the forces women folk they have affairs, my mother got neglected so she had an affair. I think some forces wives feel neglected I did too when I married to a sailor in my first marriage. He would come home after 5 months and spend most of the time in the pub. I am not saying you were like that thats my story. The institutionism and discipline must have put you in a hopeless situation. You might have been deprogrammed to live the normal life then thrown in the deep end of life without the solidarity and support of your army buddies. Were you close to them ? You must have so much going for you Xx perhaps you need to call some friends to take you out Xxhug Xx Chloe

Paul Xx another thing I know they call it a basket weaving course in the forces Xxx yet funny enough boring as it may sound it works Xx could you find your strength in a hobby XX maybe join a club scuba diving, sailing, pistol shooting, pigeon shooting rabbit shooting sorry to sound so violent Xx See it works, people with hobbies get busy and they get peace. the devil makes work for idle hands and the booze makes me blue, I don’t drink. Have you got a gym near you ? I have male and female friends that meet so many people at the gym and the exercise sets them up and you must have done BFT so you must be fit ha ? XxChloe

Chole my friend x since I left the army I have no friends . I am all alone in my flat . It awful when in army you are bossed about . Left the army on medical grounds . To be with my last gf . My son is there and I see him . Makes me happy . Back in my flat Its terrible . I have no family in this town . I have no one chole

Hi Chole

Yes i did loads of bft in the past. ha ha was fun not xx but never failed one.

It has been replaced by basis level fitness test, sit up press ups and then the run at bft distance.

Wish ur husband would care to pay u more attenion . whats ur little princess called?? my son is Callum.

hope to hear from u later my friend x hugs Paul

Paul Xx Yes its horrid being bossed about a lad in the navy smashed his own leg with a spanner to stop going on a trip Xx Have you sought professional help ? Have you told any professionals ? I hated lonely Xx I thought I could conquer lonely yet I couldn’t. I never thought I would find somebody who would marry me settle down. Now I have and he drives me mad ha ha, crazy sometimes I think if I could only get some peace ha ha and I am bossed about told off and moaned at, yet my husband thinks he is mr wonderful not one fault in him if anything goes wrong he blames me. My friends mum said its not the problem its how I look at it. One of my friends has given me so much love and attention I have stopped feeling sorry for myself, its an amazing tonic Xx When I left my first husband he started to live with my best friend. I wasn’t cross because he was a bit of a nasty person I was sort of relieved. The loneliness started to grow the vulnerable feelings came flooding in and I got needy and anxious. My boss at the time told me to watch movies, I watched so many movies and they kept my mind off being lonely. Could you join another forum as well as this one and chat to people. You need to be strong for your son, you need to eat properly and you need to exercise. Would you mind if I ask what you do for a living Xx I say to my friends nobody is going to come and knock at the door and say hello I am me would you like to get to know me, I tell them to go out and meet friends and talk to people.You have got people who care about you Xx your son we are here now Xxx Oh what I would do to chill and read my book, be given some time to go to go swimming to go on my walking machine. I missed the mentalist last night the only programme I watch Xx I feel better when I exercise gives me va vavoom. Oh I love it on Gavin and Stacey when the girls and the lads have so many close friends gavlar I love that Xx used to watch that too my little treat Xx I have some really great friends now but I didn’t, I used to be lonely and things change for the better Xx you have to fight for your right to party, you used to be a professional killer party animal and hero nothing has changed your still the same Paul Xx please decide from this moment on you are going to change all the things that make you fed up and do all the things that make you happy Xx Chloe

Paul Xx please be strong for your son you would have made him an orphan Xx hug Xx he is worth living for Xx Chloe