They bring me to tears every single day.

They’re almost too much to bear.

Sometimes, I even wonder how it’s possible…

Of course, I’m talking about your supernatural resilience, your steely courage, and your gritty determination.

YOU WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS, and they shall say THANK YOU, DUDE.

Thy kingdom come,
  The Universe

This ones for you Steve

Hello Helen
Thankyou for your reply and kind words, im still finding my way round here and not quite sure who’s who what and where, ive only spoken to chloe before today and she has been very cheerful and encouraging and positive and sounds very nice person who understands what we experiencing, yes i have experienced the darker days lying there putting off getting out of bed, keep looking at clock ticking by and just wanting night time to come round so you can disappear under the sheets again, its hell and i really feel for anyone going through this, it would be almost impossible for anyone who not experienced it to understand, i been there and still getting low moods and hard to get motivated, i don’t know the magic cure for it but from my experience i just trying to challenge it, but it is so so difficult and takes time patience and dedication, I’ve been on my own while going through this and tried to continuue with the boys activities, which in a way may have helped and got me off my backside, but i really really didn’t want to because of how i was feeling healthwise not because i wasn’t interested, i used to love being silly and messing about and active and still do if i can, it does take your confidence and self esteem away aswell, sucks it out of you. but on brighter note ive slowly pulled round and talking to people like yourself and chloe who been through this and understand is such a relief because you really do think its just yourself going through it, ibeen on anxiety coarses and got to meet people and talk about it aswell, it all helps, nice to speak and hope to do so again,
take care Helen
steve

Steve
Can you remember what started the anxiety ?. My mother was a cold matriarchal woman who was very strick and sent me to a really strict convent boarding school. I believe my panic started after I was badly beaten up in my teens by my father I then became homeless I came home to find I had been moved and then I lived at my uncles my friends and eventually got myself my own place and took my sister in which my father abused. Then I got very very ill after a very traumatic assault in my thirties which I always thought my life was my fault after acting a victim so I loath to talk about it and become yet another victim. After both occassions I thought I could cope it wouldn’t affect me and sadly it did….I thought I could carry on regardless and then the anxiety panic and nervousness started. How to be tough hey ? I sometimes feel lost I have no family and they are all still alive. My sister hates me because my fathers faults became exposed which she wanted to hide. One of my exs told my step mother and world war 3 broke out. My mother enjoys a bottle of whiskey more than seeing her grandchildren and my step father is nothing but a dirty old man who can’t keep his hands to his self. Sorry to drone on about me. I have the most amazing amazing friends most of them don’t know my history yet I do love them dearly and without them I would be lost. I tend to cling to my poor ex husband for support I know its wrong when he has a girlfriend yet I know one day I’ll have to take a back seat and let him get on with his new life. I have a wonderful support network and thank my lucky stars for what I have in my friends they might find me gushie sometimes they just don’t realise they are my family. I can be strong then for my little girl, she is my world and I live for her. Steve hope you are having a great day what are you up to ? Chloe : )

my best kept secret is denial ...I like to act like I am fine avoid the pity pool and the world smiles back at me ...keeps me going keeps going strong keeps me going on keep it up Steve keep staying strong for me Chloe p.s I’ve got one of two choices life is lovely or life is awful and I can think of 100000000000000001 reasons why its great hey forget about the fact I am nervous ha ha ...I panic the same when I am in love so I tell myself its a good thing ha ha

Hi Chloe
I suppose when i was a child and growing up at home and events that happened or the way i was brought up could have sown some seeds for the way i am now, but i never had anything like youself must have been difficult for you at the time and still is, and only looking back now it sounds even worse so no surprise you have had problems with your health, it must leave a mental scar for the rest of our lives, i remember my parents always falling out and arguing and not speaking i used to hate it and remember it well, i would go to my room and keep out the way, they stayed together though. my father liked his beer and fags, and trip to the pub was my only time out with him i would sit in the van or play in grounds, thats why i do lot with my children wouldn’t want them to have that sort of life, i think as ive grown older more responsibilities and pressures and work pressure stresses and definatley 2 x marriages and divorces has played its toll, my last divorce about 9 year ago was very stressful and did lot of damage plus my commitments with lads and work i just went into overload and that pushed me over the edge and the anxiety started there and low feelings, depression i suppose, you not droning on chloe its good to get it out, i used to bottle it up still do, but through people like yourself and helen who understand i can open up a bit, i speak to my ex aswell have done for few years now after the dust settled, because you have to move on and its not good for kids, not about my health though, she had partners but ive stayed single had occasional date but didn’t feel right because of my health problems and symptoms and it made me uncomfortable hiding it and didn’t think i be able to keep up with commitments and social activities, its ok if it someone who understands, i done some cooking chloe tday made lasagna very nice and tasty no need to wash the plates lol,

Steve I have found my friends that pushed themselves too much with work stress and lack of sleep have gone and got themselves really really ill through depression or sickness bless you Chloe

yes chloe you can push yourself without knowing or realising you doing it, i used to have to do lot of driving to north wales in my previous work then rush back to do other chores and activities when i got home, i can see where i gone wrong but you don’t at the time and you do it its like being on a merry go round, and the sleep thing has always been a problem for some time, you can wake up worse than when you went to bed, lack of quality sleep

Steve the same you is there all the time. I often think people can see my anxiety yet they can’t. some people say you would never have guessed, I would never have known you hide it well. I like being alone thats when I get my peace being alone or with children. I don’t get the need to talk and cover up my fear. How did you get your mans eyes to move on your smiley face ? ha ha I have just noticed them ha ha ha ha ha. I have found for me the boring old fashion methods work the best to relax me sewing knitting weaving I can actually feel the chill occuring as I do it. After being shell shocked or suffering some mental health problems in the royal navy they are sent on a basket weaving course. Apparently weaving baskets is great for curing shock and other disorders of stress. When I first heard of this I laughed yet it works people with little hobbies are mentally well balanced ....yes ...then I heard Dale carnegie speak of a similar aspect of healing a woman in morning the death of her son she got busy with her hands to take her mind off the pain. I find I am made up after spinning at the gym I said to my friend who is a GP who comes along I said oh its the endorphins and she said might be the distraction. Steve have you any distractions. Could you find a distraction. When I was alone I joined a scuba diving club, the marine conservation society, bird watching along the coastal shores I joined an effective writing course then I did an open university I have learnt spanish in the car whilst travelling and self help tapes like Marissa Peer, Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins.  You might find some of the tapes can do your head in yet I enjoyed Marissa and Dale Carnegie to start with and managing stress tapes and tapes that make me laugh alot. I listened to rags to richie the other month about Shane Richie that was fun it all took my mind off ‘my stuff’ , last week I listened to sir cliff richard’s story how he and his mother shared a pair of shoes they were soooooooo poor. Some of the boring old little tricks are actually quite effective for me. How was your lasagne I could smell it from here master chef Chloe

Oh wow I worked out a wink !!! now I need to find out how to get moving eyes….tee heee heeeeeee night night steveo ZzzZZz just remember your alright its just sometimes we worry we are not and actually we are ok people family friends love us who cares hey we are a bit different it takes all sorts to make a world….nobody is perfect.. we just wink we are

nite nite zzzzzzzzzzzz chloe thanks for your reply, good idea the distraction method if you can find something of inerest, i mess about on my guitar sometimes still learning and can take mind of things, just reading a book at moment when i go to bed ‘transform your life’ its a buddhism meditation book, not tried the knitting yet though, take care and sleep well, 

I’m teaching you to suck eggs to get a hobbie sorry ...ha ha lead, bass or spanish WOW ok ok how do you do the eyes ? tell me !!! teeeeee heeeeee or i’ll teach you to suck mooooooooooooooore eggs ok ...Chloe woey woe how do you doooooo that ?

please ....

Its a secret chloe the eyes     thankyou for the ideeas tho keep them coming and the sucking eggs not a problem

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s your secret scrambled or boiled ?

poached ?