Hi

I have recently got to a point that I can’t face going to work any more.
It is ruining my life.

I have a wonderful partner that supports me, but I don’t think she would understand.

I dread going to work, it is always on my mind that I have to go, I dread it on my day off before I am due to go back, so potentially that is one day off a week I dont’ get off, as my mind is on work and counting down.

I get tearful at the prospect of going.

I get up in the dark to go to work, then when I come home it is late and dark, and I have to go straight to bed when I get home, as I have to get up so early.

I feel my work / free time life balance is completely out, i feel all I do is work, even though I know practically it isn’t, as I do long shifts and squeeze it into three days, so I have four off.

I need to do it this way, so I can see my family to bring light into my dispair, if I did it for five days, i would find it impossible, as i wouldn’t see them all week.

At least three days a week, I get to day 2 and think nearly there, while a 5 day week would seem forever.

I can’t concentrate at work, I clock watch and it drags, I go on toilet breaks, to get away from my job for a break.

I have no real skills, and fluked getting this job, which I am excelling at, and I am over paid, I can’t get anything near this salary level elsewhere, and can’t leave for less, due to the economic crisis.

I know I should be greatful for the job and the salary, but it is so hard to face going to work. I don’t make friends there as i don’t want to be there, I am cheerful there and polite, I bet no one even knows there what i feel.

I know people keep leaving, and going off with stress here, I have just had 4 weeks off for stress and anxiety.

Does anyone else feel this way about their jobs, or am I just whining for nothing

And now they are thinking of cutting our salaries, which still means I am paid more than other similar jobs, but it is going to be tight.

chris

Hi Cris

You are very courageous writing in this site and I think you are in the right place, it is moving to see how other people are going through somenthing that we will not give to anybody and I can see the battle you are having againt a force that is pulling you down and you find yourself powerless to defeate it. You can see that you are lucky to have something that you should be grateful for, nevertheless you are unable to deliver what it should be straight forward. You might be right thinking that your patner could find difficult to understand what is going on in your mind, but in this site there is the chance to buy books on the subjet and they also might be helpful to understand and give us the tools to work throught together with the people we love.

I can not say anymore else but after many years going through depression I am starting to be able of telling my family that I have not been very well when they ask me How are you? I never wanted to worry them. I am starting to understand that my illness is an invisible one and the fact of hiding it from them is not helping me to work torward recovery.

Cris I hope that my experiance would help in something, I hope that you can feel stronger about taking small steps to help yourself. All the best for you and also your wife who is the person that is also part of your life. Regards, Cristal   (sorry about my spelling) 

Hi Chris

Can I ask what it is you do? I’m self employed and have been for 18 years. I feel that I am talentless and have been off now for 3 months. I only have to think about work and I am full of guilt and worry. My self esteem is zero and even though I’m now on medication I can’t honestly see how this will end up.

My partner knows how I am as I couldn’t hide it as it laid me flat for all of Christmas. Women can be very resilient as can children - thank goodness. Try and talk if you can. I seek help from everywhere I can and I make no excuse for it - it helps me so I talk to whoever I can. Odd little things that people say, and not necessarily experienced professionals can make a significant difference.

I can’t really tell you why I dread work work or where my confidence has gone. I don’t even know if it’s just financial pressures that eat into me. I can not face the news anymore as bad news rips into me.

Have you sought help? If not do it - the longer you leave it the worse it could become.

I know what you mean about leaving in the dark and getting home in the dark - I dread it and have done for years - hopefully as the nights start to pull out it will help.

How are you sleeping? I got into a right mess but even though I am anti drugs they have made life so much easier. Don’t get me wrong it’s still really tough going but sleeping gives me a rest bite.

You sound as if you are more than competent at your job, so what is it that makes you so down? Boredom? Clock watching is horrible. Try and hang in there Chris, like you said at the moment it’s a job but if you can’t there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with being sick. Know one plans these things and know one wants to suffer with this terrible, invisible illness.

Wishing you well.

Steve

I don’t know why I hate it, yes I think boredom is part of it.

I work at a helpline and give advice to people that need it, around housing issues.

I work faster than is expected of me, mainly because I hate talking on phones, I dread picking it up, so I help them as fast as possible, in order to get them off.

I know, if I hate phones, why a call centre??, the money is good and that is the only reason really.

My wife is very supportive of me.

thanks

chris