Today was my first day back at work for two and a half weeks and I feel cr*p! :(  This is the students’ vacation time so there is not many people around and I only had to do work in my office. I was there 5 hours and now I am shattered, aching all over and now having to reassure my husband (who suffers from depression and anxiety) that I am not going to lose my job and we lose our house etc. I am so scared of the future :(

Dear Glynis, I was thinking about you as I know you were back to work this week.  Would a special chair help your aches and pains at work and if so, would work consider investing in that for you?  I’ve heard that they do make a difference.  Glynis, I do remember the fear and responsibility of feeling the need to keep going at work to keep paying the mortgage.  It’s not nice and can be very stressful.  My sister said to me recently that we don’t live in the moment enough these days.  We worry about the past and the future and don’t take the time to be in the moment.  It’s easy to see why we do that but it has made me think.  That is very much what mindfulness meditation is about.  I don’t know if you’ve heard about it.  We’ll have an article about it on the site soon but I’m very interested in it.  The NHS have started prescribing it as a treatment therapy for depression and the people I know who’ve done it all speak extremely high of it.  I hope you’re feeling better by the time you read this reply.  Best wishes, Helen

Dear Glynis,

I’m so sorry you’re feeling down again.

With regards to your fears about your job - please remember you should have the law on your side in the shape of the DDA (Disability Discrimination Act). I’ve noticed that your fears about your job are a recurring source of anxiety, may I please suggest that you contact someone like the CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau) to see what steps you can take.

I do hope things improve soon.

Best wishes,

Karma

Hi Glynis,

I hope things went a bit better at work today.

Hello Helen Xx my female friend was talking about doing mindfulness meditation and the course is between £100 and £200 depending on our financial situation. My girl friend and I are thinking of giving the course a go….How are you ? I have been feeling a bit low of late…I had to have my old dog put to sleep and the stress of a new job which I felt lost and scared AT MY AGE !!! ??? 46 years !!! new house little money ex husbands still nagging me about saving…I took out all my anger on my best friend across the road completely horrid to him and I was really really horrid…really horrid.. guess what ??? he forgave me !!! I think I test him ....why ? I love him so dearly .....perhaps I am terrified of being happy ....I feel like I am a child in a care home that needs to bite scratch and be cruel to people until I can trust them fully…am I damaged am I ever going to be able to have a healthy normal relationship am I capable of one ??? Perhaps life wants me to be alone I know whatever it throws at me I can only do my best…DYB DYB DOB DOB Do your best.. do our best ..I stood in the shower thinking my life is being a successful single mum perhaps god the universe needs me to be the best at being a single mum…loads of me time and my daughter time and that is such awesome time ...perhaps thats being threatened !! Somebody anybody coming between me and little her…a comprimise !!! the worry how she might feel behave with new people in our life ...I dreamt I was took for a walk along the beach somebody holding my hand saying everything is going to work out fine…the following night I dreamt I opened the curtains and all I could see were bananas being sold on market stalls and last night I woke up with the beach boys god only knows where I’d be without you….!! I think I am completely bonkers ...bonkers..!!! I think I might need some mindful meditation to learn to chill live in the moment and stop worrying about the bogey man who is going to come and get me around the next bend XX how are you ? Chloe Xx

Thank you to everyone for this wonderful support. To be honest, I am not sure how I am today .... I don’t know how this is going to end ... I keep stressing out and taking it out on my husband, who said last night that when I do that it feels like I hate him :( This is not right. Not right that my coping threshold is so low at the moment, and definitely not right to let that explode on him :( I told him last night he would be better off without me (he would definitely be better off financially if I died) and he told me that he couldn’t live without me. But instead of feeling reassured by that, I just kept thinking that that meant he would take any amount of ‘abuse’ from me rather than not be with me - and that is just so wrong! I know it is ‘normal’ to lash out at those closest to us when we feel stressed, but that doesn’t make it right. I am ‘working at home’ for the rest of the week and then on leave again next week - but even just two days with the extra ‘load’ of work seems to have taken me into a ‘can’t cope’ state, so I am really scared about what will happen when I am back at work properly.

Beachboys God only knows

I may not always love you
But long as there’s stars above you
You’ll never need to doubt it
I’ll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows how I feel about you.

If you should ever leave me
Life would go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would li-iving do me
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows how I feel about you.

God only knows what I feel about you
God only knows what I’d be without you
And God only knows how I feel about you
God only knows how I feel…

I hope your day is filled with love
when you feel low get help from above
some miraculous little thing a beautiful song
in your head you could sing
any more coping skills
just one little one so your not feeling ill
At the end of the day come what may
pat yourself on the back anyway
you gave it a go again and again
and be back to normal routines discipline
Love yourself thats what they say
how can I full of dismay
you do your best day after day
and whatever you do its really ok
you are still wonderful in every way

Glynis
Sorry I didn’t know what to write and so I wrote you a poem ........the song was ...I pretended from your hubby Xxx all to make you feel better X Chloe

im feeling fine today.

im glad to be here and i’d feel great.

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