Hello

Although he has never been formally diagnosed, my husband demonstrates many of the symptoms associated with Aspergers syndrome. We don’t really know how to go about getting a diagnosis and most of the time we just cope with the effects and find ways around this. However, with my recent issues around work, arthritis, fear of losing my job etc, I am finding it harder to accept that he does not ‘see’ the need to do things in the house which would be clear and obvious to someone without aspergers. Even if I make a list, the organisational difficulties he has seem to get in the way. Crudely put, he comes across as selfish and self-centred and lazy. I know he is not these things and that his goal in life is to make me happy. There are lots of examples I could give of the way this affects him, such as - if he has one appointment in a day, the whole day revoleves around that appt and he cannot ‘see’ that it is possible to organise several things in the day with the appt being one of them. He has had to ‘learn’ to be empathetic, learn by rote and rules how to have social conversations. As I said before, this can make things difficult because everything has to be said and made explicit, but this seems to be particularly difficult at the moment, and I am finding myself getting more and more stressed by his difficulty in supporting me by ‘doing’ things to take pressure off me. Emotionally he is very supportive, and I know that even that has had to be learned by him, and I know he loves me and I love him. But I find myself getting very upset at the fact that he says he wants to take pressure off me because of issues at work etc, but then doesn’t seem to do it! I have alreadyt started making a list of things to do, each of which needs to be outlined in minute details in terms of the stages involved in carrying it out, and I am going to post notices round the house reminding him how to do things (not just that they have to be done!).

I am positing really to see if anyone has had any epxericne of getting a diagnosis of aspergers as an adult, and of living with someone who clearly fits the criteria for this disorder?

Thanks you in advance
Glynis