Hi alll.

I’m brand new tothe site and forum having just joined. When I read other peoples problems I feel that mine are totally insignificant but just hamper my daily life.  A close friend of mine has always mentioned that I show signs of depression but I just pass it off as having just ‘not my time’ as she also suffers with depression.

Well…. what can I say about myself.  Okay here goes…  I have a job so it contarsts to others I am very lucky and hapen to be very jovial at work, it would be a complete shock for colleagues to even think I wcould be depressed or similar.  I am 38 now, single had to move back home with parents as 3 years ago I stupidly jacked my job in as had enough of ‘work issues’ that had no bearing on me directly but indiresctly did., but did not have a job to go to!!! yeah my greatest move ever and onlylast year or so got slowly back on my feet. I feel I have no life and it’s just an existence of work and home, whilst reducing my debt which another reason for my lack of social events.  My 2 closest friends lives miles away, where as my other so called friends I barely register on the scale. my self-confidence is gattered personally and it’s been about 3 years since a date as I’m told i’m okish but I have not love of myself so why should anyone else, which then triggers my weight issue.  Most of my nights are spent crying myself to sleep a bit like now when I talk about my sad existence of a life. I have a close knit family and they get the brunt of my unhappiness, worries and anxieties. I should be loving life instead of it being one long chore. 

I often think about going to the Dr,but then think what I need is a sharp kick up the backside and motivate myself rather than me being depressed. I finally realised last night cabn’t keep fighting this any more so hence the message. I just wanted to go somewhere, where not known and tell my fears without nany judgement made.

Thank you for taking time to read this and I hope I’m not patronising in when I call my ‘concerns’ when others are dealt a tougher deck and mine are insignificant.

Hello lovelylol

Welcome to the site!

You seem to questioning whether or not you are depressed - may I suggest you take one of the many online depression tests that are on the web?

You also seem to be giving yourself a hard time over feeling bad, as if it is somthing to be ashamed of. May I mention some of the people who suffer or have suffered from this illness: -

Winston Churchill, Isac Newton, Vinney Jones, Freddie Flintoff, Spike Milligan, Catherine Zeta Jones, Stephen Fry, Rowan Atkinson, Oliver Cromwell, Abraham Lincoln, Edgar Allen Poe, Ludwig van Beethoven, Vincent van Gough, Evelyn Waugh,
Ernest Hemmingway, Tony Hancock, Ruby Wax ....

There is a book I have been recommending to people who are afraid of the stigma attached to depression. Its called Depressive Illness the curse of the strong by Dr. Tim Cantopher. In it Dr. Cantopher lists the character traits that are common to people who suffer from depression: -

- (moral) Strength
- Reliability
- Diligence
- Strong Conscience
- Strong sense of responsibility
- Tendancy to focus on the needs of others before one’s own
- Sensitivity
- Vulnerability to criticism
- Self esteem dependent on the evaluation of others

Did you know that in their life time that 25% of people suffer from a mental illness (i hate that phrase) and in any given year 10% of the UK population will suffer a period of depression - that’s over 6,000,000 people.

If you are suffering from depression: -
a) You are most certainly not unusual
b) You are most definitely not weak
c) Advised to talk to your GP ASAP - why suffer for a moment longer than you have too? I would guess, on an average working day, your GP will see around 3 people who are suffering with depression.

I do hope you’re feeling better soon.

Wishing you all the best.

Karma

Dear LovelyLol,as Karma said, welcome to the site. I do hope that you are patting yourself on the back for getting back to work.  I am a big believer in acknowledging what we’ve achieved.  Everyone likes and needs and thrives on praise.  It helps us to keep on going and make even more progress.  Why rely on praise from others when we can praise ourselves?  After all we are the ones knowing what we’ve achieved!  Praise from others is an added bonus.
I find Dr Cantopher’s description of depression, that Karma has kindly listed here, as the Curse of the Strong as so important to our understanding of ourselves and our feelings.  We’re all trying too hard.
I do hope you took note of all the great people who have suffered with depression! 
You too are great.
Please don’t underestimate and not allow yourself to acknowledge how you feel.  We are all experts in our own fields and not in the field of psychology and psychiatry so shouldn’t expect to treat ourselves.  If you feel that talking to someone would help, please do go to your doctor for a referral.  If you are comfortable in a group environment there are depression support groups in most towns.  The Depression Alliance runs weekly groups that people can go along to.
It is a shame that your two best friends live far away.  How would you feel about making some new friends? Social activities like the gym or yoga classes or activity groups like ‘Spice’ are great ways to get out and enjoy yourself without any pressure and you get to meet new people at the same time.
You say that you don’t have much in your life at the moment apart from work.  Do you know what you enjoy doing?  If you do, try to do more of it.  If you don’t, take time to think or be aware of what you do enjoy.  It could be going out for a cup of coffee; walking in the park; going to a book shop and browsing the books whilst drinking a coffee (I love book shops with coffee shops!); jogging; animals - in which case you could offer to walk a dog at a dog’s home or a neighbour’s dog.  Try to be aware of what you enjoy and do more of it.  It can make a huge difference to your life.  I believe it’s the little things in life that make a difference.  Cumulatively they can be very powerfully uplifting. 
From your post I get that you’re a special, caring and conscientious person and a great friend.  Look after yourself like you wouid a friend.  We wouldn’t be as hard on any friend as we are on ourselves and expect them to be OK would we so why should we expect to do it to ourselves and feel ok. 
Take care and I hope you have a nice weekend.  Hope to hear from you again when you feel like posting. We are always here.  Best wishes, Helen

Hi Helen and Karma!

Thank you so much for your support and lovely words.  Have had a tough day or two at work and it was probably that was needed to finally get a control of me and my life again!  I had booked a Dr App for last Friday and was willing to go.  On Wednesday and Thursday, I found work very tough to deal with personally as professionally I am well thought of and this was reiterated to me last week. I had said my life had become empty and revolved around work and incorporating colleague’s problems so that has got to me as been on the fence with that.   

As I am a private person at work and don’t like all knowing my business apart from one friend at work who I do confide in and she gave me a firm chat on Friday. This involved my ‘so called friends’ I decided rather than they contact me I would make arrangements to meet up and get their friendships back on track. I thought if I go back and keep myself occupied, socialise with local friends and review myself and if my feelings then continue I would go and seek help as I had cancelled my appointment

So I bit the bullet and contacted my 3 local friends to meet up and they agreed, so I over the next 2 weeks I have made arrangements to meet up- This has been a positive for me!

Good luck and best wishes to everyone and big hugs x