Hi everyone,decided to join the forum today after reading Helen’s book. I am 43 have 2 children aged 15 and 12. I have had a very troublesome life but I do try and stay positive but the negative thoughts always seem to take over. I have quite severe fibromyalgia too which has meant giving up my career and a lot of my social life. I do get very very low particularly when I’m alone. I am also incredibly hard on myself,I see it as a way of motivating myself.
I have just started seeing a counsellor as I do react quite well to this sort of therapy. I find I can go a while without needing it the the depression comes back.
Feel in a pretty bleak place at the mo. have had a tonne of blood tests done but doubt if that will flag anything up. I just feel relieved that I’ve started telling people how bad im feeling. Whether they care or not is another thing altogether.
Big hugs to those who are going through this as well.

Hello Teddysmum, welcome to the site.  What a lovely screenname Teddysmum is.  Thank you for joining and sharing with us and for reading my book.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a bad place right now.
It sounds like you’ve been suffering physical as well as mental pain for a long time which must have been very hard.
I am glad that you’ve started counselling again especially given you feel it’s helped in the past.  Hopefully that will help again and you’ll benefit from feeling better from that soon.  Also I’m glad that you are talking about it.  The more we talk about it, the more people will understand which I think can only be a good thing.
I wish you could be kinder to yourself though.  I find that praise and reward are much more fun and just as productive as giving myself a hard time.  I do both of course but try to stop my inner critic when I can.  After all I look forward to my cappuccino too much not to reward myself at least once a day! Please try it.
We would never treat our best friends so cruelly or speak to them as harshly as we speak to ourselves would we, so why do we do it to ourselves. I would never dream of calling a friend the names I call myself and wonder why I hurt and don’t respond so well when I talk or shout myself down. In fact my friends would probably laugh if I spoke to them like I do myself at times.
Can I ask if you get any time for yourself and to do things that you enjoy?  If not please try to do more of that too.  It may seem trivial but little things soon add up to big things.  I look forward to hearing back from you on how you’re doing.  Best wishes, Helen

Thank you Helen for replying. I love your book by the way,a very different way of looking at depression,I like your sense of humour. You certainly went through it didn’t you? But wow you have come out the other side.
My name is after one of my dogs Teddy,a pure white Japenese Spitz.
I do get a lot of time to myself well I thought I did, I’m usually with my dogs which is really like having another 5 children. My real children go to their dads every other weekend and that’s when I really struggle. My mood plummets. Am hoping the counsellor is going to help me with that. I had a very bad marriage and after I had severe post natal depression the second time he left me for a less faulty woman lol. She is very welcome to him but the emotional scars he has left me with are huge. Sometimes I think I will never recover. But that’s no good is it?
I do so understand when you write in your book about being able to lie. I am amazing at it. My kids don’t have a clue as to how bad I feel. They know I’m not well with fibromyalgia but I don’t think they realise how low I am and I want to keep it that way. My lovely ex took me to court last year to try and get custody of them because of my illness,he lost and had his access reduced. He is not allowed to contact me or come near me now. You would think with him out of the immediate picture I would feel better but no,life isn’t that simple is it? I have also lost my mum just over a year ago. I spent last year sorting out her finances(I apologise if I’m repeating myself here) and now that is all done I feel awful,worse than I did last year.My dad died 8 years ago. I feel like I am mourning them both.
Anyway I am going to to try and do things by myself. I sat in Morrissons this morning having a cuppa and just enjoying being around people without having to contribute to a conversation or have to listen to anyone else’s problems. I did it yesterday as well and I did enjoy it as it gave me a chance to breathe after getting kids to school and then going home to walk the dogs.
Anyway I have wittered on enough. I will try to be nicer to myself but doing that tends to make me worse,maybe I am just not ready for it yet?
Xxxxxx

Dear Teddysmum, your post made me think about how we spend time alone is so important and can make a difference to how we feel.  I found that out when my wife left me. When I didn’t have my children I would be very down and didn’t do or feel like doing anything to get my out of it apart from go out at the weekends and get very drunk which didn’t help either.  I felt even worse.  They do say alcohol is a depressant.  It is for me.
Time was a great healer for me.  It seems naff to say so but I didn’t give myself time to get over it for a long time.  I just tried to cover it up.  When I actually dealt with it is when I started to feel better.
I feel for you with your husband who seems to be as big a pain as your fibromyalgia which you could well do without.  People can be so difficult.  I think difficult people must be unhappy people.  If they were happy they wouldn’t feel the need to make others so unhappy.
Anyway Teddysmum, I’m glad you’ve got your kids and your dogs and I’m pleased you’re taking yourself off for a coffee between the school run and going home.  I too like to go for a coffee and a cake as does my daughter which gives me another good excuse to go!  Take care and good luck with your therapy.  Will

Hello Friends
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