SO then, is it any surprise now at 28 years of age, I have no idea what to do with my life? I have always been wondering and trying to figure out why I don’t have passion in life, why I have very little motivation, why I have this complete failure to launch, why I haven’t ever been able to find a permanent job and commit to it. I still live at home but I don’t pay rent, my mum still provides the food to eat, does laundry, she even makes my bed and my room! And this has been been my life, all my life but now I am done, I’ve had enough.
It’s truly made me realise that the very reason I can’t seem to be a man and take control of my own life is due to all what I’ve described. Would you not agree? This constant obsession my father has had that children always NEED their parents have made me dependent on them for everything. They’ve thought that because they’ve done everything possible for their son, he should be successful and be set for life, when actually it’s pushed me further away and I’ve ended up resenting them. A true LOVING parent would recognise the essential need for a child at some point in their life to be free, independent to make their own decisions, plan their own lives and take care of themselves and not feel the need to constantly help them and take care of their needs. I thought the whole point of parenting is for a parent to enable the child to become a fully independent adult who is ready to live in the real world.
I want them to respect and treat me for the man that I am, the 28 year old man who SHOULD be living an independent, self sufficient life…yet instead I still have no home, no job, no girlfriend, no ambitions and being treated like a 8 year old disabled child. I want them to say “He’s 28 years old, he’s a man and should get on with his life and be responsible.” But I have a feeling they never will….
The only thing I have truly enjoyed is when I have travelled over the years. I have been around Europe and done various city trips and 2 years ago I went to South East Asia on my own. Even then my parents made a big fuss when I went away and looking back I had a good time (even though I was lonely at times) it was FAR better than my life right now.
I realise and understand that they were simply being sincere and doing the best they could and ultimately loved me in the way that they knew how, which was in their case - providing for me materially. They thought the best they could do for me is to give me as much as help as possible, send me to the best school, get the best support etc. in order to make sure that I would end up being successful…..but they failed to give me the things that were most important – love, affirmation, respect, independence. I realise that my father especially, clearly has severe insecurities and both my parents are extremely anxious, paranoid people who in order to feel good about themselves have to feel that they are providing for and taking care of me or just helping me in some way. I don’t think they can cope with the fact I should be self sufficient and independent i.e. not needing their help.
People always keep saying you’re 28 now, ONLY YOU can make changes, it’s up to YOU to take control of your own life and so on. I damn well know that but that’s the whole point of everything I’ve said here. Everything that I’ve written above surely explains why to this day I’m finding it almost impossible to move on with my life and be independent. It’s as if I’ve been sucked into this comfort zone and got so used to being taken care of for so many years that I have this disabling complex, I just feel constantly crippled. To make things more complicated as a result of all this I have suffered from depression, and I think I have had it all my life. It’s not surprising I guess.
Is there any hope here? Or have I been damaged beyond repair?
What can I do to really change things? I REALLY do want to change things and don’t want to continue to live my life as a victim. I have a little bit of savings (which again was provided by my father) and as I said I have a problem with finding work interesting and can’t seem to figure out what job I would like to do etc.
I thought about moving country and go to Europe or Australia or the US and starting over completely and finding work there and cutting my parents out in a sense that they will then no longer be around geographically at least to constantly help me out, but again without enough money that’s not easy to do. So I’m just stuck.
I realise this has been very very long! and thank you to all of you who read this right through. I appreciate that. And I would like to hear from anyone else who have had similar backgrounds and are currently in similar circumstances.
