i just keep seeing the gun or seeing the hanging or seeing the train as it comes toward me im not trying to plan anything its just what i see. 

there is no way out .  i only want to die.  but i am sorry to my family.  but im not ding them anygood this way anyway.

Dear Sally, what a terrible place to be.  Please be assured that these deepest darkest feelings will pass and that things will get better.  Right now you probably don’t think that’s possible but they will.  Nothing ever stays the same.  Your mood and depression feels all encompassing right now. Your depression is at its worst but it won’t always be and it can be controlled and managed.  Please try to do something to distract your negative thoughts.  Can you try to watch your favourite film or watch something funny?  Even if you don’t feel like laughing you will laugh involuntarily at something funny and laughter is the best antidote to depression.  Call the Samaritans if you feel really despairing.  You are a special person cared for by your family and friends.  I know that you feel that you aren’t much use at the moment but imagine how they would be if you weren’t in their lives.  They would be devastated.  This is pretty extreme but a psychologist friend of mine asks patients who feel so down to imagine how their loved ones would be at their graveside or funeral.  It sometimes helps to demonstrate how much people love you and how they would miss you.  Please keep in touch and know that I and many others are thinking of you.  Helen

Hi Sally

At Christmas I felt very much the same as you, it was an impossible pain and sadness that I couldn’t see an end to. Thankfully I was able to call on my friends, family and fantastic nhs support. I am still battling and it is so hard still at times but I am coming to terms with my illness and you can to - although I doubt if you feel that way right now.

Have you sought medical advice? I have never been someone to take tablets but I had to give in and they have certainly helped, especially with sleeping which is vital to help your recovery.

Please, please don’t give up, IT WILL get easier. Have you tried counseling? Again it has helped me - you have nothing to lose so why not try.

Thinking of your family may not help if you are very depressed but try and be patient and look no further than an hour ahead if it helps. My fears about life and survival grew out of all proportion - I was advised not to look so far ahead and look at the immediate situation. It helped me although some days are it’s still very hard to remember - but Rome wasn’t built in a day! I am learning about patience and self care at the moment - something I neglected badly.

I will be thinking of you today.

Best wishes

Steve

dear helen and steve,  i thank you for your reply.

I still cannot stip crying.  i have been destroyed .ive lost the most important thing to me.  i dont know who i am or what to do or what i want or where to turn.

I do not have insurance.  i cannot get aid because im stil married and he makes too much money for me to get insurance from the state . so i have no medication or therapy. 

im not ok.  i tried to talk to another depresion group nad they told me finally after a few months of me crying to stop feeling sorry for myself and snap out of it.  but i couldnt.  i dont want to be this way. i just am. 

im sorry i am still feeling the same way.

Whats the most important thing that you have lost.Do you live in america? I was feeling depressed yesterday and friend rang to come round but I knew what they would say,basically snap out of it .

Are you feeling better now cathy could you share your success with us if you are better. Thanks Xx

thank you for contacting me.

i am not much better. 

I did start antidepressants and am pretty much like a zombie.

thank you for getting back beautiful lady Xx How are you today Xxx HUGS XXXX are the tablets making you feel more positive are they stopping the sad thoughts ? one of my friends gets really ill and i have to wait till she gets better till I can text her she won’t even text me Xx sending you lots of love and best wishes and I hope you feel better soon Xx please be strong, stay strong it doesn’t last forever Xx ride the wave beautiful babe xxxx Thank you for writing back Xx

Know we care XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello SallyGalFriday, how are you doing? Not great I guess, but I hope you are at least feeling a bit better than you were earlier in the year.

Life is very tought isn’t it? It is really hard to know who you really are, what you should be doing with yourself and your life, which way to turn etc. I think many many people spend most of their life completely lost, just kind of fumbling through life day to day. I believe that most people just kind of go through life without any plans, life just kind of takes them through it, and maybe that’s the best way to be. If you try to think too much about what you really want, who you really are etc., you’ll probably never find the answer, you’ll just confuse yourself more.

As for thinking that you don’t help people being in the state you are and that it’d be better if you were dead, you can’t even begin to imagine how much worse people would be if you weren’t around, and actually you would never know, cos if you weren’t around, you wouldn’t be able to see how much everyone missed you and wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway if you were dead. While you are alive, there is a least a chance that you can turn your situation around even though you may feel like it is almost impossible. One thing is for sure, if you are dead, then it really is impossible to turn things around. Dying give you no chance at all.

I realise that when people are depressed they don’t really want to listen to things like this, they don’t care, but I just wanted to say it in the hope that you may read and take some of it in.

I really hope you are OK.

Hi

That was well put Brencoot, hope you dont mind but I totally agree with all that youve said.

Sally I hope you are ok too.

Please talk to us. We are all here to listen.

Kayfer I hope you well xxXx how was work hUG HUG HUG Xxx thinking of you Xxx

The guardian tuesday 5 Jan 2010 - Mindfulnesss Three minute exercise
mindfulness is described as a way of paying attention to feelings ans emotions so that they can be managed. It involves meditation , yoga and breathing techniques.

’ three minute breathing space’
1. ask yourself what is my experience right now ? and notice any body sensation, thoughts or feelings you are having without judging them.
2. place your attention on your breathing following the in-and-out breath as it naturally occurs.
3. Expand your awareness to the whole of your body continuing to notice any thoughts feelings or physical sensations that occur without judgemant.
Hope this helps :0) xx