okay… im new to this.. so if i say anything silly then apologies :( .. anyways.. ive been signed off for 2 months… and thats nearly finished and i have now been signed off again for another month… and im worried since my doctor has signed me off for that time does that mean she expects me to be fully fit for work after that month?

Also i have got my date through for my medical with ATOS.. and im worried because i put soo much effort into writing the form and filling it out and i may aswell not of filled it in cause its as if they havent bothered looking at it :(

sorry for the venting :(

Well your screen name says it all you poor thing. You are certainly not saying anything silly and indeed never could on this site and I’m glad you’re venting.  It helps others too who may be in your position.
I feel sure that your doctor isn’t assuming that you’ll be fit for work in a month’s time.  I am surprised that she gave you one for 2 months in the first instance.  I think that’s quite unusual to be given such a long term sick note.  My experience of sick notes is that they are mostly done on a week or two weekly basis (at least they were when I was off work). That in itself suggests to me and probably will to your employer that your doctor feels you won’t be back to work in a month.
Form filling is dreadful at the best of times.  Well done you for completing one when you’re not feeling well.  I think it’s so unfair to be expected to do that when you’re not well.  Maybe at a face to face appointment they will get a better sense of how unwell you are.  Your form sounded very efficiently completed and may suggest that you are better than you are.  A face to face will show them that you’re not well, in your words are ‘clinging on’ and need time off and support.
I’m not sure what the Occupational Health offer other than practical support.  Can I ask what are you hoping for or what do you need from them?
In the meantime, are you doing things for yourself in your time off work?  Your body needs nurturing and looking after at this time.  Treat yourself like you would a best friend. What do you like doing that you could do more of right now and feel that would make you feel better?  Even things as simple as going out for a coffee, sitting in the sunshine (when there is any!), going for a walk, watching a funny movie can make a big difference especially when done cumulatively.  Many people have forgotten or lost touch with what they enjoy doing.  If that’s the case, try thinking how your ideal day would be.  Even including one of two of the things that are in your ideal day in your life make a difference to how we feel.
Hang on in there.  Things can’t stay like this.  The laws of physics say they will change and they will get better.  Thinking of you.  Helen

thanks for the reasurance about the sick note situation ... its just one of those unnecesary worries that we all have! :( I went to my local CAB office and the man i spoke too was very helpful and he wrote down wat i said.. so basically i only needed to type it up ... im really nervous about my medical because im so used to putting on a front that they will probably think im fine.. i think its a joke the way they put all this stress on us .. it makes our recovery even harder! i also dont have a job to go back to because i quit :\ i was working at a school… and the job was fab but with it being an appreticeship with the time i already had taken off i wouldnt of had enough time left to finish it… i went from finding my work easy and enjoyable to struggling ... and even the simplest task was impossible the pupils that i was ment to support suffered and i was concentrating on not crying :( it was horrible because ive let all them pupils down.
Ever since starting anti depressants my sleeping pattern has been terrible .. i go to bed about 4am and get up at about 4pm ...im trying hard to get back into a better routine but at the moment just existing is hard enough.. my friend is trying to get me to go for a walk with her so we have been 2 times which is good ... thanks for getting intouch with me its nice to have someone to talk to! i feel terrible talking to my good friends about it because i dont want to bore them and a few of them just dont understand :( and its so frustrating ... anyways i hope you are okay?

Dear Clinging on, I sympathise with you about the pressure of sick notes and medicals.  Just getting out of bed is hard enough never mind fighting and defending yourself when your depressed.  Let go of the acting in the medical and remember how you feel when you’re at your worst.  Treat the medical as if you are going to see the doctor whom I presume and hope you are open with about how you are feeling, hence your medication.
Have you spoken to your doctor about your sleeping patterns?  It may be a matter of changing your medication or talking to your doctor about changing the times you take it.
You may need the sleep or the sleep may be a symptom of your depression. 
You haven’t let anyone down.  Your body is telling you it’s not happy and you’re listening.  You’ve quit your job and giving yourself time to recover and hopefully decide how to make your life work for you.
If you are awake at 4am at this time of year, try making the most of it and watch the sunrise outside.  It’s beautiful at this time of year and hopefully you’ll go to bed with that beautiful red glow around you and in your mind.  Best not keep your pattern to do that every day!  Besides it will be changing again soon given that the longest day of the year is next week already.
Take care and look forward to hearing from you soon. We’ll be here before and after your medical.  Best wishes, Helen

hi Hun

Sorry to hear you feeling like you are.

The doctors sign you off for a month at a time sometimes to keep an eye on you and to keep updated with your circumstances, in case they need to refer you hun, to a counsellor or change of tablets etc.

You cannot rush any illness or determine how long you are going to be off, but I do know that doctors cannot give long term sick notes anymore, due to new legislations and shit government rules.

But anyway, if you ever need help filling in forms, that is what citizen’s advice are there for , to help when you need it.  You may have to take a number and wait in line but just a suggestion.

As for you, you are not alone as this site suggests.  There are people who understand you and care how you are feeling.

Whether that be frustration, anger or sorrow, we are here to offer comfort, advice and venting boards!!

So go ahead and vent, you are not hurting anyone.  You will only hurt yourself if you vent inwards.  Let it come out, not sure how you scream in print ....  aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh - maybe!!!!

Anyway, sending you my own personal venting board to hit out on, anything to make you feel heard, comforted and listened to and understood.

Love Greenlady

And whether you believe or not, sending you some energy to clear your frustrations

xx

thanks to you both for getting back to me i have some good news!!! i have received a letter through the post stating that a medical will no longer be needed as someone (cant remember who) has looked at my ESA50 form and decided a medical wont be needed! ... this has reduced my stress levels significantly! and its a big sigh of relief.. and is probably the only thing that has seemed to put an actual smile on my face!

there is some bad news though… ive been seeing a counselor at a self harm charity in my town… (i cut) and i have seen him about 4 times… and last time i seen him he said i was always negative.. which i dont understand why he said it for.. because i know i am… and i feel thats the depression… he also said that his depression is probably worse than mine when he isnt working ... and it was like a huge kick in the teeth! i felt like a right idiot telling him some of my problems and he comes out with that ... i dont think thats fair because depression is not a “competition as to who has it worser than who” ... if he is sitting thinking that then why am i bothering?! im actually really upset to be honest :( also he said that he seen this shirt which says (cant remember the exact wording) ..“now you’ve told me your problems, f*ck off” (sorry for language) .. and to me .. i know he ment that as a joke… but im really sensitive at the moment and the more i think about it the more i dont want to see him :( i now feel uncomfortable around him! because i feel he has spoiled the “bond” that we had ... as in a counselor ... patient type bond… its like ive lost the trust now :\ which is a shame cause my friend use to get counseling of him and now i feel as if he was the only way i could get better

I see a counselor from first steps aswell… and she has referred me to someone else (this is the second time this has happened) because she feels that she cant help me… and this was about 6 weeks ago and ive heard nothing back.. so now i have no outlet because i dont want to talk to my friends because i dont want to lose their friendship by talking about myself… arghhhh this sucks :( i just feel alone now after writing this reply! :(

Dear Clinging on, fantastic news re not having to go for an assessment.  That must feel like (as it is) a massive weight off your shoulders.  Reapplying for disability living allowances and living in fear of having allowances or support taken off us when we are ill just compounds the illness so I am so pleased for you.
As for your counsellor, I think of a good counsellor like a good friend as I have to feel safe, secure and want to open up with them.  It can take a long time to become good friends, sometimes when you think they might become a good friend they turn out not to be but that doesn’t stop me finding and making other friends.  I would ask for another referral to a different therapist if you now feel that relationship can’t offer you what it did or isn’t what it was.  Would you feel comfortable in a group environment now?  There are lots of really good support groups.  I used to go to one by the Depression Alliance.  They have them in most towns.  There are also local groups that you can find information on in local libraries, GP surgeries, and local papers or online.
Please don’t feel alone.  Depression can feel very isolating. There are more people suffering from depression out there feeling just as isolated as we feel.  That’s why I felt a group environment helped me.  We are always here.  Please talk to us if you feel you want to.  Take care.  Thinking of you, Helen

OMG that is terrible.  Although I had a similar experience with a counsellor - he told me my hubby was no good for me and that I should leave him as he was strong enough for me, well 12 years later we are still blissfully happy - so what did he know.

Unfortunately anything negative can have extreme effects on your wellbeing and you dont need to be made to feel worse than you already do. 

I am so sorry you got the wrong counsellor and I urge you to see your doctor to be referred to someone else.  Rapport and trust have been breached and you need to change as soon as possible.  Just think he is a stupid idiot man who needs reporting, you are probably not the only one either, just dont waste any more time with him.  That therapy may work for the dead people but not us!!!!

If one counsellor referred you, it means they didn’t feel compentent enough to deal with your problems, which is probably a good thing, you need the right person to help you and sometimes that means changing.  The right therapist is key to getting better.

The doctor needs to know about you self harming to be able to refer to the right professional. 

Please do not feel like you are isolated as we all care and want to help and I do understand your frustration and reactions from this, but please seek the RIGHT help.  Someone out there will be perfect for you.  It took me 3 therapist to get the right one for me, but it was worth changing, although I appreciate the stress around it.

Good News on the medical though, I still have to attend mine and they do stress me out as you cant prove depression really.

So hope you feel better soon hun and a therapist is just like clothes shopping - it may take a while, but eventually you find one that suits you perfectly and you can wear it well for a long time until you dont need it any more.

Can I ask, is there a particular time you self harm, have you been asked to keep a diary of when you do, to see if there is a connection between a particular mood or situation - sorry if this offends - just trying to help.

I hope you feel more positive soon, and by the way we are all negative at times, especially when we trust someone and they let us down - human nature.  There will be a lot more positive times ahead even if you are sensitive.  I am sensitive too, so dont let the bastards get you down, you decide when to get down, dont give anyone else that power!!!!

Sending you my love and comfort at this sensitive time

Liz xxxx

yeah i agree… a good counselor is like a good friend… and you are right about thinking you have found the right 1 and then suddenly they suddenly do something to kick you down and you end up gutted cause you felt they were good… the thing is though… he is actually a good counselor ... as in i have heard alot about him so now i just feel as if i wont get better without him because previous counselors haven’t made a diference ... im not sure about going to a group? what is it like? ...i dont tihnk i could because i wouldnt know what to say? ... i would just get nervous and not say a word! lol

And Greenlady… i cant believe a counsellor said that about your husband! just shows what they know.. i sometimes feel that since they have a job as a counsellor that they know everything .. when actually some of them dont! :\

Yeah i did mention the self harming to my doctor .. she is actually really nice and my self harming started just before christmas.. so i had already been diagnosed with depression by this point .. and she asked if i was still in counseling and i said i am and she kind of just left it at that… i have been self harm free for about 3 weeks now… (my mam and dad paid for me to go on holiday (i am going on the 3rd of next month) .. because they wanted me to have something to look forward too… i am lucky to have them! )and that has been motivation for me too stop doing it becaus i dont want to add to the disgusting vile scars i already have… and also the fact that when i do it really bad and i end up going to hospital they make me feel like a complete alien!!!! ...they way they have that expression on their face really pisses me off! ... i am really strugling to stop because i still dont see it as “wrong"if that makes sense?!.. i use to self harm every night… and it is my “guilty pleasure”... i really dont want to go into detail because i dont want to influence people to do it.. that might be reading this! :( p.s ... no you didnt offend me with asking

and when is your medical? i hope it goes well for you… i feel bad telling you my news knowing you have got to go through it :( ... but please let me know how you get on!