Jamie Xx I felt extremely safe talking to you because you talked about your L endlessly Xx It was like a comittment to L and felt I could freely express myself in that safe bubble like I would talk to a girl or Brencoot (Brencoot is wholely devoted to his wife) Xx may all these troubles be only bubbles Xx I sat awake tired and exhausted writing to you MY EGO wanted to fix you make you happy. MY EGO let me down. One night my little girl sat watching telly while my EGO typed to you, I looked over and thought one day she might say my mummy was more interested in chatting to people on the internet than playing with me. I sickened myself that my ego was thriving from being flattered and amused. I have a little girl and have had a very troubled time and I need to grow up and make the best of my life for my little girl and make her my priority not take her for granted and I must become a better mummy. I need to be playing with my little one not worrying about flattering my ego Xx sorry it had to be said Xx I gave up alot of mummy time to talk, I put my ego first before my own child and I feel very ashamed of myself Xxx I am glad nice Jamie has returned Xx good night Xx stop worrying xxChloe

Hello Beautiful Jean Xx I do love you your messages your emails your postings xxx I love your outlook and sense of fun Xxx Thank you for being my friend Xx HugXxx I love how you sum up life so easily and make the most of every moment Xx I love and respect you dearly Xx Chloe

Hi Chloe, Helen, Brencoot, Jean and Jamie

Thank you for thinking of me.  It is so lovely to read your postings today.  I am learning to be a bit calm when dealing with difficult situations.  Like you, Chloe, I guess I am trying to fix the problem for my dad by using my way.  My dad is a very quite person.  He doesn’t talk much, and usually just let things go without attending them until it gets to the stage that it has to be dealt with.  He is my dad, and I want him to be safe, happy and healthy, and not being taken advantage of if you know I mean?  Well, it sounds like I am the parent in this relationship.  This week, I am trying to have some balance in my life by trying to remove myself from the problem for a while & looking at the situation with less HEAT involved.  Things are getting a bit better for dad, and he told me yesterday that he is very grateful for what I have done for him.  However, at the same time, he feels guilty of me getting all geared up in telling people off and getting messages out there for him. Yes, family is a love, hate and passionate relationship. I want my family to be safe, healthy and happy.  Is that too much to ask?

Luckily that my partner is very kind to me laterly as he reminds me CONSTANTLY to take time out and pamper myself regardless what’s been happening in life.  I take his advice on board seriously nowerdays.  My partner told me that he does NOT want to see me getting sick again. He will keep me out of the vicious cycle as much as he can.  I am so grateful for having such an amazing partner in my life. 

Brencoot, it has been so long since we spoke last.  So good to hear from you.  How have you been? Still exercise regularly? I make sure that I move around as much as I can on a weekly basis.  Exercise helps me to destress and take some time out for myself.  When I put my ipod on, walking in the park, it seems that all the troubles are gone.  Just love that feeling.  Work is going well, and I also learn to treat it as just a job.  A job is not a 24/7 event, right?  I can be a bit of perfectionist and workholic, so I try to remind myself regularly about what’s more important - a job or living a fuilfilled life?!

Jean, you are so beautiful and cheerful.  How have you been?  Hope you are well and smiling. I got a new cook book today.  Going through the new dishes, pictures and imagining what I will be making next makes me very happy and content.  Are you cooking anything special these days?

Chloe, I love what you said about: thinking about what’s going to happen in 5 years… It makes me realise that no matter how bad the situation is right now, it is not going to last forever.  Also love the “DON’T GIVE UP” saying… It provides me with strength and courage to stay true to myself.

Helen, great to hear from you again. Your posting is very meaningful, and you are such an inspiration to us. Is your book nearly finished?

Jamie, I hope you are doing OK. Please trust this site as everyone here that I met are just so amazingly helpful and caring.  We understand what you are going through, and we are here for each other. By coming onto the site, I feel that I have an emotional outlet to get rid off things from my chest.  I often feel lighter and happier after my visit on the site.  People here don’t judge you, your words, your actions. People here care about you, and love you for who you are.  When I had my Depression relapse last year, it was this site that saved my life.  Helen, Chloe, Brencoot and everyone pulled me back from a very very very very black and scary place.  Jamie, if I could do it, mayble you can do it too.  I believe in you, and I believe in us as a caring and helping team here.

Finally it is the weekend. Time to relax and slow down a bit.  I want to take some time out for me, you know, read a book, sleep in, and doing something fun and relaxing.  What about you lot?  No matter what you do, where you are, I am sending my best wishes and lots of hugs to all of you.

Thank you for being so wonderful to me. So nice to know that you guys care!!! Have a nice weekend, everyone!

lol
Hope

Hello Hope, how are you? Glad to hear work etc is going OK for you. God, a 24/7 job!! How much fun would that be!!??!!

Any plans for this weekend? The weather is pretty warm here at the moment, so it’ll be good for getting out on my bike and running. A bit too warm for my liking actually, but I’m not going to complain cos it was far worse when trying to exercise and run in 15 cm of snow and about -10!!

Yeah, as the above paragraph suggests, I’ve been exercising. Had a running race a week or so back, and next month I’ve got a 24-hour relay cycling race for charity, which should be interesting cos I’ve never done a 24-hour race before. I can see me being a little grumpy when after not sleep for god knows how many hours, someone comes to tell me that it’s time to do my 6th hour on the bike. I apologise in advance to anyone in earshot at that time for my abuse and bad langauge!!! Apart from that, not much been happening for me recently, unfortunately. I think I could do with a bit of a change or a bit of excitement!! Agh, could this be the start of a mid-life crisis!!!! Next time I come on here I’ll be telling you I’ve bought a Ferrari, had my chest waxed and bought a crocodile tooth chain!!!

Well, I hope you are OK, and have a nice weekend!

Hello, again, everyone
Lovely to hear from you, Chloe, Hope and Brencoot.
How energetic you are, Brencoot, competing in a 24 hour cycle race - it sounds quite difficult, one hour cycling and five hours resting - fortunately I’m too far away to hear the bad language !! 
Hope, you are coping so well with your difficulties - and are getting the balance right in your life with your amazing partner.
So glad that you, Chloe,  have found happiness and you are getting your life sorted.
Jamie - we haven’t corresponded but I would say you are at the beginning of recovery - we all started here and found such help and support to help us to try to ignore the depression or put it behind us.
Yes, I’m still cooking, Hope,  I could open a library with all the recipes I have - then I make up my own and add a bit of this and a bit of something else so the dishes never turn out the same.  Fortunately, my husband enjoys food.
Not into exercising much,  but I do enjoy gardening, especially in this lovely weather, so much easier when the soil isn’t frozen solid.
Have a nice weekend, whatever you do.
My best regards to you all,  jean x

Hope xxx your courage and inspiration Xxx your love and devotion Xx your loyalty and strength are gifts Xxx Van goff , Michael Angelo, Edison , Curie , Churchill, fought with their hearts their passion their faith their beliefs Xxx They might have felt troubled at the time yet in hindsight they were icons, heros, saints Xxx yesterdays worries todays fears tomorrows blessings in disguise Xx I can never see that at the time yet I look back over my life and realise whatever I did was necessary to evolve and necessary to get to a better place Xxx I hope you are coping with the stress and the anguish XxhugXx thinking of you Xx loving you and sending you peace Xxx love you lots XxChloe

Hope Xx
I read my horoscope fortune cookie today on AOL and it read

  “When pushed, love digs in its heels.”
I thought of you with your dad Xxx hugXxx Love you Xxx Chloe

Jean Xxx You remind me of a summer breeze Xxx love you Xxx Chloe

To My Summer Breezes,
To Jean, Helen and Hope Xx

I love you very much Chloe Xxx

See the curtains hanging in the window
In the evening on a Friday night
A little light a-shining through the window
Lets me know everythings alright

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind

See the paper lying on the sidewalk
A little music from the house next door
So I walk on up to the door step
Through the screen and across the floor

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind

Sweet days of summer, the jasmine’s in bloom
July is dressed up and playing her tune
When I come home from a hard days work
And you’re waiting there, not a care in the world

See the smile a-waiting in the kitchen
Food cooking and the plates for two
Feel the arms that reach out to hold me
In the evening when the day is through

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind