Everybody

Chole hates me

Paul

Dear Paul,
You will always have friends here Paul.  We all have our own experiences and issues at different times in our lives that may influence how we respond to and act towards others.  It’s a shame that the person on the receiving end can’t see all that.  If they could, it could avoid misinterpretation and upset.  We’re human beings.  We make mistakes.  We have feelings.  We are all different.  One day we can feel happy, the next we can feel sad.  Think how you react to others when you’re happy.  You probably smile which invites a smile back and everyone’s happy.  When you’re sad, you probably look sad and don’t smile at others.  Other people aren’t prone to smiling at people who aren’t smiling at them for fear of seeming strange and there is no smile to get caught up in the magic of.
If a person smiles at you the day s/he is feeling happy and the next day when s/he is feeling sad s/he doesn’t smile at you, you may take it personally and feel as if you have done something wrong.  In reality, it’s totally about how the other person is feeling.
It’s the same with any sort of communication.  I feel sure that Chloe doesn’t hate you Paul.  I will apologise to her for you but I see that you have already done so.  I do know from her posts that Chloe has been going through a tough time herself at the moment and hasn’t been able to spend as much time giving to everyone as she has done so much in the past, which could be part of the reason that you feel like you do. 
I hate to hear you sounding so low Paul.  How’s your wee boy?  Are you taking him out in the sunshine?  If not, are you going out in the sunshine yourself?  You know how I rattle on about sunshine and exercise being good for lifting your mood!  What about watching a bit of comedy?  I know you don’t feel like laughing at the moment Paul but even if you laugh involuntarily, as it’s hard not to do when you are watching, reading or hearing something funny, it has the positive effect of creating endorphins to lift your mood.  There you go, lecture over!  You know I’m not lecturing you don’t you?  Just wishing I had that magic wand to hand again!
Hang on in there Paul.  Tomorrow may be better than today and the day after may be even better.  It may not be but it can’t stay this bad for ever.  We are thinking about you and if positve energy travels, I’m sending you lots.  Best wishes, Helen

Dear Hope, I am so sorry to hear of your pain and grief.  I wish that we were a culture that celebrated life in death rather than mourning it.  Nobody teaches us how to deal with the pain of grief.  I remember a friend of mine going to the doctor after the death of a close family member and wanting medication to take the pain away.  The doctor told her that he couldn’t wave a magic wand to take away the pain of grief and indeed she had to experience the natural pain of grief at the time of her relative’s death to not feel it again much jmore intensly later on when the effects could be much more detrimental and when she least expected it.
What we are told is that grief can last up to several months and that if it continues beyond that then the doctors are willing to do something to help and this is no longer considered natural.
In time hopefully you can smile at the happy memories rather than cry every time you think of them.  We are all sending you our love and strength Hope. 
Please do take care of yourself at this difficult time so that you don’t have to deal with more than your grief due to neglect of yourself.
Thinking of you.  Best wishes, Helen

Morning - Song of the day by Mel C. I was looking for another oneof her songs but found this and I hope it gives strength to you.

“I Turn To You” Mel C

When the world is darker than I can understand
When nothing turns out the way I planned
When the sky turns grey and there’s no end in sight
When I can’t sleep through the lonely night

I turn to you, like a flower leaning to the sun
I turn to you cos you’re the only one
Who can turn me around when I am upside down ?
I turn to you

When my insides are wracked with anxiety
You have touch that will quieten me
You lift my spirit, and melt the ice
When I need inspiration, when I need advice

I turn to you, like a flower leaning to the sun
I turn to you, cos you’re the only one
Who can turn me around when I am upside down ?
I turn to you.

Where would I be, what would I do
If you’d never helped me through
I hope someday, if you’ve lost your way
You could turn to me like I turn to you

Chorus

I turn to you when fear tells me to turn around
I turn to you cos you’re the only one
Who can turn me around, when I am upside down ?

I turn to you, I turn to you , I turn to you.

I think that’s rather lovely Jx Oh - your free fortune cookie “It doesn’t matter - who is without a flaw?”
x

Jamie

The games we play

Paul - We have choices in life. You can choose to carry on as you are drowning in a sea of bitterness, anger and unhappiness, sitting in front of your computer pouring out negativity and spite OR you can choose to make others feel comfortable and project some happiness and positivity into other’s lives. I have chosen the latter and I am feeling so glad I have made the right choice. I know it’s not easy but I dearly wish you would make that choice too. You will feel so much better and will attract friends.
J

Jamie is soooooooooooooo right Xx thank you Jamie ....because there are only 2 choices be nice be horrid ....thank you Jamie Thank you Xxx Chloe

Paul just read your post that I hate you ...I do hate your actions yet I don’t hate you….I hate the way you are behaving but I don’t hate you…..I hate the way you pity yourself ...but I don’t hate you….I hate your nasty posts but I don’t hate you….I hate your behaviour ....but I don’t hate you….I hate being told what to do….but I don’t hate you….I hate being controlled by people ....yet I don’t hate you I have one of two choices ....they are MY choices…I have free will ....I have a choice ....you have choices to be nice or to be horrible ....to be strong or sit in the pity pool….?

Jamie thank you for your kindness and forgiving me and moving forward Xx chloe

Jamie I really appreciate your kindness and the fun is back on ...so cool ...Chloe xX

semisonic - Get a grip

Lonely boys and you lonely girls
Here at the end of the lonely world
You’re finding out
If there’s someone to cry about

Lonely girls and you lonely boys
Playing alone with your lonely toys
Well don’t be blue
If there’s no one to play with you

Get a grip on yourself you know you should
I got a grip on myself and it feels good
Get a grip on yourself take my advice
I got a grip on myself and it feels nice

When the lights come on and the party’s through
There are always a few with nobody to do
Well now don’t despair
You’ll eventually get there

And meanwhile all of you lonely ones
Here’s what to do while you wait for the sun
To rise above
The loneliest kind of love

Get a grip on yourself you know you should
I got a grip on myself and it feels good
Get a grip on yourself take my advice
I got a grip on myself and it feels nice

And it feels nice
And it feels nice 4x

If you’re looking for someone to get a grip on you
First you gotta get a grip on yourself it’s true

“There are coincidences.”

Today I don’t understand my cookie Xx

Dear Chloe, Brencoot, Helen,

Thank you for thinking of me. Your postings mean a lot to me…

I have been feeling quite sad laterly, but I am NOT giving up on myself and my loved ones. Keep myself busy during the day in attending work & life and going through the emotions in between. I am very lucky to have support around me. My friends and my beautiful partner have been amazing to me. This weekend, I got out of the house and spent some time in the sun, just to rest and have time for myself. I also spent time with my dear family, and talked a few things through.Life is like the ocean waves, it keeps coming. In a way, we all have limited time in living, so I am learning to make the most of each day to live,help the others and do something good for our community.I feel quite calm right now, and I am letting myself to experience different emotions as a human being.

Not sure if anyone could suggest any books or reading materials on what I am going through at the moment… I enjoy reading, and it helps me to stay focused and finding peace.

Hope you are all having a nice weekend.

Once again, thank you for your beautiful postings.

lol
Hope

Hi Chloe - yes I had to think about that cookie for a bit too ! I guess it’s questioning those who don’t believe in fate and coincidence. I believe in both - things have happened to me that seemed almost pre destined - both good and bad. Love your song - so so apt and very true. Been a chilly and cloudy weekend here more like autumn - hope it brightens up this week. Soon be July for goodness sake ! When I woke up this morning the first song I heard was Darren Hayes - Insatiable ! Do you remember I gave you the words a while back. It was a special song for me. I thought I was still dreaming. Thanks for your posts. Nothing to forgive - honestly.

My posh cookie today reads - “A single kind word will you warm for years” hmm bit of a theme emerging here.

Jx

Hi Hope - I don’t think we have spoken on here before but I have read your amazing posts and it sounds like you are having a sad time at the moment after losing someone close ? I don’t have any easy answers to how you feel but I guess grief is a bit like a journey. It can be short or long, straightforward or long and winding and the route is full of emotional u turns and obstructions but at the end of it (because there is an end to everything) you will be healed and able to reflect on your loss without the pain you feel now.

You asked about books. Well I don’t know of any specificly to deal with grief although I am sure there are many but the most wonderful book I ever read is a novel called “Random Acts of Heroic Love” written by Danny Scheinmann and publised by Black Swan. It is two entwining stories about love, loss and grief one set in the current day about a student who loses his girlfriend in an accident in South America and one set during the Russian Revolution about a soldier who walks accross Russia to find his first love. I know it sounds unlikely that these could be connected but the ending took my breath away. It is really empowering and I hope it shows that no matter what is thrown at us the human spirit, we can and do survive and learn to live again. You should find it in all bookshops and Amazon.

Do take care I hope I have been of some help.
Jx