Hello and welcome to my first bit of text.

I think I should start off and tell you that I’m quite bad at spelling.
Word can’t fix some of my inventions! I’m fine with it but I think
it helps to let you know as the reader.

I have had depression for over 16 years and a personality disorder
called BPD for about the same time. I know that my depression is
caused by my childhood and I have tried most medications and
professional therapies. With 9 months left, I’m currently having
long term psychotherapy and this is helping with my interpersonal
communications.

As a baby I was physically abused by my mother and she lived in
a dirty flat with her alcoholic mother. They often went out drinking
and I would be left alone for hours. I was never introduced to my father.
After 4 years with my mother I was finally put into care. From here, I
lived with a few foster parents (one who touched me sexually) and then
I was in about 14 placements before running away to London at age 17.

I have survived while being in London but it’s been very difficult. My
dreams of being a star never worked but my looks seemed to have worked
for me well here.  My communication is not great and I have few friends.
I was also an alcoholic for 8 years with sleeping pills also being fun! Now
I’m clean for over 3 years but do have awful insomnia.

I feel that my depression can still take me over and I’m at risk if I do
not continue to look at it and try to care for myself.

Thanks for reading this, I value your time.

James

James what has happened to you is dreadful xx you have amazing strength to be clean for 3 years. Gosh your amazing, really amazing. I watched a program a while back with Toyah Wilcox the singer and actress and she has dreadful insomnia She was talking through her night time with a night light. I thought the woman was amazing to have such an affliction and she just lived with it. Has she got a web page or book or something about insomnia, could she help you Xx You are amazing living with insomnia. Margaret Thatcher was only meant to sleep for 4 hours a night. I have heard squaddies and service men who have to do guard duty have guided imagery they think about being on the beach or flying or whatever to relax their minds and that is meant to be equal to a power nap. Hope I helped brave you Xx

Sorry if I sound rude what is BPD ? xx

BPD

Borderline personality disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV Personality Disorders that describes a prolonged disturbance of personality function characterized by depth and variability of moods.

The disorder typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood; “black and white” thinking, or splitting; chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual’s sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.

These disturbances can have a pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life. This includes difficulties maintaining relationships in work, home and social settings. Attempted suicide and completed suicide are possible outcomes, especially without proper care and effective therapy.

You have been through a truly dreadful time and you have survived. You are amazing strong and courageous and you sound very decent. You come across as very eloquent and sucessful. I read somewhere the quality of a millionaire is a hard upbringing, not sure if it was the big issue guy or richard branson, why does it have to be that way, yet it is hard work, sadly some silver spooners find it difficult to keep the wealth their families have made . Psychologists say if we are given stuff on a plate and mollycoddled we can become weak and hopeless. Your amazing James what you have achieved and suffered you are amazing and you are a testament to helping others because you are helping others now. I doubt very much you’ll have a problem communicating with the people on here we all share the same concern for eachother and its unconditional who is what or what has happened or what you say or what you feel. I have met some wonderful people on here, that includes you, I hope you do too Xx

Hi James
just read your post and agree with Chloe, you are amazing and wonderful. Id like to say a warm friendly hello to you and am glad you found us.

Take care x

Hello James, how are you? You certainly seem to have had some pretty nasty experiences growing up. Many people say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but I’m not sure about that, cos I think there is only so much a person can take before it has a big negative effect. You have certainly had to put up with way more than anyone should. Good parents are so important, aren’t they? It backs up my opinions about people needing to be tested before they are allowed to become parents. Do you still keep in touch with your mum or grandma for that matter?

I do miss you Brencoot Xx sorry to sound needy XXXX

I read this in The guardian tuesday 5 Jan 2010 - Mindfulnesss Three minute exercise
mindfulness is described as a way of paying attention to feelings ans emotions so that they can be managed. It involves meditation , yoga and breathing techniques.
’ three minute breathing space’
1. ask yourself what is my experience right now ? and notice any body sensation, thoughts or feelings you are having without judging them.
2. place your attention on your breathing following the in-and-out breath as it naturally occurs.
3. Expand your awareness to the whole of your body continuing to notice any thoughts feelings or physical sensations that occur without judgemant.
Hope this helps :0) xx