P.S. It wasn’t a huge post by any means and even if it were, please don’t EVER apologise.  I seem to be only able to get my point across in huge posts.  Helen

Just read your posts Algol, what a nightmare.  Thank Goodness you’ve got that out of the way.  At least they would have got to see that you’re not well which they would have done mate even from your indecisiveness.  That’s what happened at my work.  I think it’s when they saw how bad I was that they decided to pay me out.  I feel for you as I felt shocking going into the meeting and when I came out but felt relieved I’d done what they asked.  It’s up to them now.  How did they leave it with you?  It might not feel like it Algol but it will be OK.  Will

Hi will.

They basically said there isnt much they can do until i ask for changes.i Said that my therapist will help with isolatingproblems so they told mewrll arrange another meeting soon.

I have nothing else to say really i told them my problems they told me they werent problems.

For now im happy to be recieving help from my tjerapist and being able to vent here. Its a lit easier ti express myself here than face to fave

Hi guys im off to see my therapist today.

The last week has been a mixed bag the first couple days after the meeting i felt worse than ever. But after that ive been somewhat better. Ive taken to going for walks again. Thinking of getting back into my photography and astronomy hobbies and even went to a friends house that i havent seen in several years since i was his best man.

I still dont feel ready to return to work so im going to ask my doctor for more time on wednesday. But i am hopeful that this will be my last period of real sick and that i can start gradually getting back to work perhaps on a three day week to begin with and then progressing from there.

Looking at the silvet linings

algol

Well done Algol for rallying.  That sounds like a good plan.  Hope it went well with the therapist and the rally continues.  Will

Hi Algol, it is great that you are envisaging and imagining going back to work and feel you know that a bit more time and a staggered return is what you want and need to get there.  I strongly believe that although we should be guided by our doctors we should listen to ourselves and our gut feeling as we know ourselves better than anyone. Even though we might not feel like we do when we are feeling very down. How did your appointment with your therapist go?  Helen

Hi guys my doctor gave me another two weeks off.

Had a rough day today though. The Mrs snapped at me as we all do from time to time and i broke down in tears.

Glad i am off work. Can’t imagine how i would react if pulled up on somethin

Hi Algol, I was like that too. I used to burst into tears if the barista handed me my coffee with a grimace.  I used to take it and everything negative personally.  We all have bad days and your wife could be having one today too.  I am glad you got another two weeks off work Algol.  I am sure your wife is worried about you too.  I didn’t think how hard it was for my husband when I was ill.  He has since told me that he was constantly scared of upsetting me and used to tread on eggshells the whole time.  He jokes about it now and calls them ‘The Happy Days!’ which they most certainly weren’t.  Hang on in there Algol.  I have read about partners making jokes of their partner’s behaviour and it can make the partner smile.  It is a sensitive subject though.  When my husband and I used to fall out and were trying to make up I used to ask him to say something nice to me and he used to joke ‘You’re not ugly!’ It used to make me smile and it still does.  I know it’s much easier said than done Algol and I feel for you.  Take care.  Helen

Hi guys. My nephew came down today. He is my nephew but he is more like my younger brother. We are very close. Anyway i told him cv last about my condition and being off work and having therapy.he was concerned yet very understanding. Feels like part of the weight has been lifted to know i haven’t lost his respec
algol

Hi guys

today has been awful. Had to go see my doctor today for my sick review. He told me because i had been on sick for six weeks he couldn’t sign me off anymore and i had to go back. I told him i couldn’t and immediately broke down. He agreed to sign me off for another two weeks. He then advised me to leave my job as it isn’t worth my health

When i phoned my employer they said ok to the extra two weeks but that they had been advised by h r to ask my permission if they could get a report from my doctor and therapist.

I feel terrible at the minute and don’t know how much longer i can take this. I feel like i am down a dark hole and can’t see daylight. My family would probably be better off without me.

Just so depressed

Algol, can I ask if there is anything you think you could do to make you feel better?  If you were to leave your job (hypothetically and not worrying about the implications of that right now) would that make you feel better?  Do you think it’s your work or it would be work in general right now that is making you feel bad?  Have you looked into or could you look into how much you would get in benefits if you were to leave work and the implications of doing so?  I don’t mean to ask so many questions when probably all you want to do is go to bed and can’t face looking into or doing anything right now. 
Did your doctor say why he could not sign you off for longer than 6 weeks?  I think well done you for calling your employer Algol.  I used to feel sick and put that off endlessly.
Sorry to be so dark but when I was talking of killing myself, a therapist told me to imagine my funeral and my family and friends around my grave and what they would be saying.  It was really harrowing for me to imagine that and made a difference to me.  I am only sharing it with you in case it can do the same for you Algol and help you see that no one would be better off without you.  They would be devastated.  Really they would.  Hang on for that even if you do like someone once said to me that they did which was decide to hang on another 6 months before they decided to try to kill themselves to give things a chance to get better.  Her life did totally turn around and she is a very happy and successful psychiatrist, helping others get better.  This has to be as bad as it gets and things can and will start to get better.  Hang on in there Algol. Have you heard the saying, ‘It’s always darkest before the dawn!’ Helen

Hi Helen

i have looked into it. My partner earns around 120-150 a week which is too much for me to claim jsa or even esa but she works too few hours for us to claim working credits so you see i am well and truly trapped at the minute.

Been in tears again today. Leaving my job may help or it may not my therapist is not interested in the origins of my troubles but more how to deal with them so i don’t know what is causing this.

The doctor said that i had been off too long.

To be honest Helen i am mentally exhausted from the worry and I don’t want this level of worry anymore.

Dear Algol, have you tried talking to your wife about how bad you feel?  Just knowing that you have her support could make all the difference to you.  She may come up with some suggestions.  You are so down that it is hard to think straight and as you say you’re just wracked with worry.  Share the load Algol.  You may be surprised at her support.  Sending you lots of well wishes, Helen

Dear Algol, I don’t suppose the company are making redundancies are they and you could put yourself forward for that?  Maybe that’s wishful thinking but a few people I know have considered themselves fortunate to have been able to take advantage of that situation.  I am sure that you are in no condition to feel like or remember Valentine’s Day but just in case you don’t know, it’s today and your wife may appreciate you acknowledging it.  On the subject of your wife I think it may help to speak to her.  You don’t need to do this on your own Algol.  Often people don’t know what to say or do when a loved one is suffering from depression.  They are scared of making it worse and tread of egg shells.  If you instigate it, it may help her help you more.  Thinking of you.  Helen

Thank you for the kind words and help Helen. My Mrs supports me and doesn’t want me to go back to work until i am ready. She was furious when i told her what happened at the doctors kinda glad she wasn’t there the doctor may have been in danger .

I remembered the date and even though i was in tears whilst paying i got her some red tulips and a card.

Turns out i can do at least one thing right