I’m really struggling at the moment and i dont know what to do. For approx four days i’ve been more down than i have been in ages. Its really starting to affect me at work and im feeling so alone.

I’m scared to see what tomorrow will bring.

I’m struggling at work and struggling at home and it feels like fluxotine isn’t working, i hate how it makes me feel.

Hi Poppy, Helen here.  What a dreadful illness this is that it can make us feel so lonely, isolated and helpless even when we have people around us trying to support us.  I am not sure who you have around you but you mention work and home so you definitely have work collegues and you say that it’s affecting your home life by which you maybe mean family and friends. You can be in a room full of people and feel isolated. You can be in a loving relationship and still feel unloved.  You can be amongst your closest friends and still feel alone. My husband (we are now separated because of the depression but remain great friends) describes depression as having a ripple effect.  The sufferer is at the centre and feels the terrible desolation but even the people affected by the ripples feel the pain and anguish as they know that they cannot help and they have to stand by and watch the people they love, suffer. 
I know what you mean about being scared about tomorrow and not being able to face what it brings. My father used to say to me ‘Don’t worry love, you don’t know what’s round the corner’ but I dreaded those corners. I just wanted to stay and hide behind this one which although dreadful I at least knew what I was dealing with.  I couldn’t cope with anything else that might be lurkng around another corner.  So I’d just stay in my bed and try to deal with it the best way I could which was mostly sleeping, crying and eating. It didn’t work of course.  We’ve all tried lots of sleeping, crying and eating (or not eating).  I was very lucky that I had a husband to look after me but wasn’t aware of him at the time as I was selfishly so wrapped up in myself and my own problems! If my husband hadn’t being bringing me my meals in bed, I probably would have lost weight but as I was eating and doing ABSOLUTELY nothing, I put on 3 stones in weight.  I didn’t care at the time as I didn’t like myself and had stopped looking after myself but when I did start caring, my weight just added to my depression.
I am not sure if your antidepressants have worked for you in the past and what types of feelings you are refering to but I felt pretty numb on most of my antidepressants.  A few of them gave me nasty side effects too.  They are life savers for some people and tranform peoples’ lives. They never seemed to do much for me.  It didn’t help that I used to stop taking them suddenly just because I didn’t think they were working.  I sure knew about it as my mood used to crash. They can be a good temporary crutch for some people while they are having therapy and counselling.
Do you like your work?  I realize that you probably don’t like or have any feelings (other than negative ones) at the moment for anything as depression robs you of those but did you take the job wilfully in the first instance?

Have you thought about getting some counselling so that you can talk to someone about how you are feeling rather than or as well as taking antidepressants?  They are after all treating the symptoms of your depression and not the cause. If your depression is due to more than a chemical imbalance (i.e. if your depression is causing your chemical imbalance because you are unhappy), would you like some help to find out why you are depressed?  If you know why you are depressed already, do you feel that you would like to speak to someone about it?  Your GP can put you in touch with a therapist or there are depression groups in most towns which you can get information on from your GP, your local library or on the site under help.

I do hope that this passes soon Poppy and my thoughts are with you. Helen

Hey Poppy

Unfortunately we all know where you’re at right now. It’s a vicious, cold and lonely place. Do you have a friend or partner you can talk to? I can’t believe when you do start talking just how many people are out there that are in or have been in a similar situation.

Are you able to take some time out? I assume you’re talking with your doctor? I was told yesterday by my visiting Doctor to just hang in there - so hanging I am but my arms ache already.

I’ve also been given a relaxation cd but haven’t thought about trying it out yet.

Thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

Steve

Hi
I know how you feel Poppy and you should hang on in there. It does hurt sometimes more than others and you do need to talk to people because without doing that you can’t let it out.  If you keep it in, it gets worse. I am the world’s worst at keeping it in thinking I can handle it and then I fall apart.
Talk to someone and if nothing else, try the mood gym link on this site. It’s something you can start now and understanding things makes them less scary.
There is a way out but it takes some bravery. It isn’t as hard as it seems and once you’ve done it you feel you should have done it before.
Work is the worst place particularly at the moment. Try and keep going though because it gets you out and makes you concentrate on something else, however hard it seems.
Take care and don’t let this beat you. It doesn’t deserve to and it’s one monster you can defeat with time.
xxx

Hi Poppy
I can relate to what you are saying having battled with depression and medication for the past 11 years.  The fact that you have recognised that you are feeling the symptoms you describe is really good, as you can do something about it before it escalates.  When this happens to me I immediatly call my psychiatrist and get an appointment as a matter of urgency so that I can get on top of the symptoms and ‘nip it in the bud’.  The other thing I’ve learned to do is accept that this is happening to me, and that for a while I will experience a period of depression, but with the knowledge that I will eventually come out the other end and be able to function normally again. 

Hope this helps - and remember you are not alon

Best wishes

Bridget