I feel the time is running through my fingers I can not detain it I do not want to detain it. I just want to be still, stop life going ahead. Meanwhile the cupboards are running empty and when the last tin of tuna fish and the light bulbs had gone I consider catching the bus and going to the supermarket.

I have been this morning to the second level class of the Book keeping, I found it invigorating I wrapped myself warm and I saw a woman walking to the shop, a man walking his dog and a lady pushing a pram with a baby. My mind was fresh when I got to the colleague there was a sign saying that the classes had been cancelled due to weather conditions.

As I took the bus back home to leave all the books and files I felt I should get some food, but here I am struggling to put a foot outside of this house again. The house has an effect of safety blanket only, it is like the walls squash me, prevent me for moving or even thinking towards what it needs to be done. I do not like it any more I used to cherish it, keep it clean and tidy, decorate it, do DIY and enjoy it. Now is only a place where I can escape the real world, a world that I think I will not be able to fit anymore.

I went back home where I came from for over two month, far away, where at the moment is summer time. I arrived to England at the end of November last year, two months has gone and I have not done what I have planned before, find a job or apply for a University course. I feel stack, I am 51 years old, would a company or a university would like a female that old with an accent and a history of depression?

Morale in this country is quite low; many people are losing their jobs, there are money worries and are a difficult time to try to get afloat, not the right environment for depression sufferers to recover. This site could be one of the best places where you can share and support each other. Only writing has already made feel a bit better and I should come out of this house that lately is more like a prison that a home. I wish you all recovery and some happiness if that is possible. Regards Cristal. 

Hi Cristal

You sound very low right now and yes you’re so right about the morale of this country - not a good place to heal real! I find great comfort in listening and replying and offering support, not that I am any role model.

My home too is a comfort zone and my bed even more so. I’m determined not to lose my house but when the darkness comes and my demons wake it can all get so way out of proportion.

There will always be a need for book keepers - so stick with it.

I think all of us depression sufferers should get together and at 12 mid-day, every day, we should have a 30 second smile. That’s it, nothing else, just stand, sit, lay whatever you’re doing but you must smile for 30 seconds - starting tomorrow…....I’ll do it - anyone care to join me?

Definately

Best Wishes to you both

sounds like an epidemic….i am conctantly in the same state and can not assume i will have the family out on the street, its a very powerful and dark thought that is all invasive….. but we are all worrying about events we can not influence with the exception of telling the BBC and Robert Peston to button it and start focussing on positive news for a change, I firmly believe this and the advance of Spring will lift us all a tad.
and remember a problem shared is a problem…..........halfed go on try it!!
onwards and upwards
Alan

Thank you for your input and good wishes, Steve I remembered yesterday your proposal to smile mid-day and I am going to try to extend it to other times of the day. Elril you are very thoughtful about your parents trying to protect them about your problems, I used to do that with my daughter, when I decide to tell her, there was a great loaded lifted from my shoulders and our relationship improved immensely. Allan you made me laugh a couple of times specially with the hair in yours hands after taking your medicine, and you are probably right there is only two ways to go now, onwards and upwards.
Steve you are also thinking in your staff before you, by being so loyal to them and not even thinking in the possibility to make them jobless, I am sure they appreciate that, thank you for advising me to continue with that book-keeping course. I will be thinking of you all, every time I do something positive, all the best. Cristal