I’m finding this so hard - I’m trying to convince myself I’m ‘normal’ and can work but I’m all over the place really. My head is so jittery and I’m so tired. I think if I had broken arm and leg it would be so much easier to accept. I have had hardly any time off in 18 years and being self employed it just doesn’t seem right. I have incredible guilt and anxiety - I’m so frustrated, maybe if it was nice and warm I could go out and do something in the garden. But then I would just feel guilty!

I think one problem is that apart from the shaking hands to most people I look fine - I bet I’m getting a lot back stabbing. Maybe sufferers should wave red flags - I bet it would be quite a different story then.

Someone told me last week that there isn’t the stigma attached to depression now - I don’t agree one little bit - the only ones that understand are those in the profession and those that have been here.[/size][/size]

Hi Steve, Helen here.  Is it your medication that is making you shake?  Lithium did that to me.  I couldn’t even hold a cup of tea.  I missed too many appointments for blood tests which you are supposed to have to make sure the level of lithium in your blood is correct. (I am terrified of needles!)  If it is your medication, is it worth going back to the doctor?
Also, I wanted to tell you about the nationwide campaign called ‘Time to Change’ that is run by Rethink, Mind and Mental Health Media and is sponsored by the lottery and Comic Relief that I am getting involved in.  It is all about reducing the Stigma of Depression and how stigma can be as bad as the Depression itself.  Look out for their ads on the TV at peak times.  There are events all around the country that anyone can join in with.  There is a banner on the site of Stephen Fry which if you click on it gives you all the information.
I guess it’s like Depression itself, progress will be tiny steps but at least the ball is rolling.
It saddens me that you think there is backstabbing going on.  I used to try to feel sorry for people who back stab as I am sure that they wouldn’t if they could understand.  But like you said, unless you’ve been there or are a professional specializing in Depression - or any illness for that matter - you can never really understand.  And Depression is such a debilitating cruel illness that we wouldn’t wish it on anyone so I guess that’s a tough one.  Let’s hope that raising awareness does help.
Like you said, getting out in the garden is a good distraction as despite the guilt the grass needs cutting etc.  Roll on summer. What about building a snowman!  Are you snowed in?  Best wishes, Helen