I have just found out that the counselling I have been having will only last 4 more sessions, and then I would have to start paying for it (which I can’t afford to do). On one level I know it had to end sometime, and I am really grateful for what I have received so far. But there is also a huge part of me that is scared, frightened, angry and just wants to give up living now. It’s not the counsellor’s fault, I know that, it is my fault for not getting better. I am all over the place in my head, trying desperately to resist the urge to email my counsellor and tell them that I don’t want to talk to him tonight, which is when my next session is due. I know that is a daft thing to do, but it is such a strong urge. I have had so much counselling already in my life, some free and some paid for, and still I want to die more than I want to live. Life is not for me. Never has been and never will be. Getting from one moment to the next is what life means to me. Some of those moments might be good moments, but even they cannot make up for the blackness of the rest of the time.

Glynis,

I feel for you.

Have you spoken to your GP about this?

Other sources that MIGHT be able to help if your GP can’t are the charity MIND and the citizens advice bereau ( CAB ). Its one of those you have nothing to lose by asking situations. If you’re not feeling strong enough is there anyone who could find out ion your behalf?

Please go to your session today and explain your concerns to your counsellor - they might have some other avenues that you could try.

Take care,

Karma

Dont give up…you have come this far in life..you need to keep going…I have had days were i have felt the same….when little things that are normal things like putting the washing out is a massive pressure…..
go 2 your session 2day..please..
am thinking off you stay strong…..your not the only one who dosnt think your cut out for life am on your boat with that one…..
I go to bed thinking this depression will disapper 1 day..but its not gonna ..i no that now….
hold in their…..

Glynis

Hang in there my friend. Have you looked at Depression alliance. I know they have support groups aswell.  My closest place is near Nots because I live in a small seaside town.

Thinking of you Paul

Dear Glynis, please do go along and explain your fears to your counsellor.  Your counsellor may think you are quite happy for the sessions to end if you haven’t said anything to the contrary.  I know several people who have had their number of sessions extensions extended and even doubled as they didn’t feel ready to stop.  If not they may be able to recommend another source of help and therapy.  As Paul says, Depression Alliance have groups in most towns.
http://www.depressionalliance.org/how-we-can-help/self-help-groups.php
Doctor’s surgeries and libraries often have details of other local support groups.  We have a list on this site too. 
/index.php/depressed/category/helplines_and_support_groups/
Mind too as Karma says are often very helpful and can offer theray or direct you to their support groups.  I agree with Karma and Paul, don’t be afraid to ask.  I always think ‘If you don’t ask you don’t get’.  I felt like you feel for years Glynis really I did.  I wanted to die.  Things will get better.  Even if you do nothing, time can heal.  Give time time.  You deserve to experience that.  You’ve done the bad times, do the good ones too.  I’m right behind Lou Lou, don’t give up.  Thinking of you as I know we all are.  Helen

Dear LouLou, good to hear from you.  You sound like you’re having a tough time.  Can I ask if mornings or afternoons or evenings are worse for you?  I know what you mean about even putting the washing out seeming like a mamoth task.  I used to set myself the simple task of doing the ironing for the day and not be able to do it and be really angry at myself for not doing it.  I felt like I couldn’t achieve anything - even a pile of ironing!  But I gradually learned to accept the principle of ‘baby steps’ and I made sure that I rewarded myself for the baby steps.  I realised that baby steps were better than none at all and was surprised that when I looked back the baby steps were adding up more than I could ever have expected.  Do you do things for yourself LouLou, that you know make you feel better or used to make you feel better?  Even doing small things that make life bearable or that you can look forward to make a bigger difference cumulatively.  They really do.  Take care.  Helen

Hey Glynis,
I just wanted to say that I understand how terrifying it is to finish counselling, everyone I know who has had any form of talking therapy panics when it comes to an end - it’s totally normal. After my counselling ended I had lots of nightmares and felt lost, so try not to worry if that happens, it will pass. If the sessions aren’t extended (hopefully they can be) then your therapist should use the remaining sessions to work on endings and helping you to process those feelings. Something that helped me was keeping the hour I usually saw my counsellor dedicated to writing in my journal or reading a self help book or something - just generally processing my thoughts and reflecting on what’s happened… just like I had been doing with my counsellor.
Hope that helps a little. Also just to point out that you’re definitely not useless, you did at least one amazing thing already this week which was to make me feel welcome here and helped to lift my mood
Gemma

Hiya Helen.
Thanks for the message.
My worst times are in the mornings..and at night but only the nights before work..am dreading going in 2mor..people talk so much in my work work place…Yes your right am going through a hard time i have been for coming up 2 3 years in july…I no this sounds awfull and i would neaver change a thing but all my depression steamded from having post natel depression and having a ex partner that didnt surport me….I look negative on ever aspect off my life and quite often people say to me am not happy unless i have something to worry about….As for treating myself i dont get the time 2…..
I have got my hol to look 4ward to next week but am dreading my ex partner finding out i have taking his daughter out the country…and will be so so nasty to me when he finds out, i no i shouldnt let him get to me but when u are down then get called and put down more it makes you feel worse…
loulou

Loulou

Go and enjoy your holiday. All what your have been through forget about him. The Sun the Warm sea, aww Blanes

Paul

If only going was so simple..the thought off getting on a plane fills me with dread…I have put a lot of weight on due to my medication…so confidence is a big issue….diffrent country 2 kids and by mum…but shes in a diffrent room…
Well am off to bed..takes me a long time to get to sleep as it is without the dread off work 2mor and thursday….
Thanks for everyone thats messaged me 2day….
loulou