I have an incurable degenerative illness.

It’s called Multiple Sclerosis.
I see my life slowly fading away, year on year, and in chronic pain.
I already have a shortened life expectancy.
But who cares about life you often want to die to be rid of the eternal pain.
Neurological pain is pain on steroids or pain plus ~ amplification of pain.
Drills in teeth with no anaesthetic.
Yes MS is painful ~ pain is a lost battle.
My lower body often feels as though it has been dipped in acid and burnt. My feet pierced with nails.
Pain killers don’t work on neurological pain, you take large doses of epilepsy drugs instead and your body adapts and ignores them all.
Fatigue finds no release, you go to bed tired and you wake up tired.
Tired like no other tired. Let me sleep forever.
Your bones and joints knotted. Cramp and seizures interrupt your night.
You no longer taste your food, it all becomes bland and tastes the same, and when you bite the pain is excruciating.
You learn to suck your food from a spoon
Your bowel and bladder no longer function properly often with degrading results so you don’t go out. 
My body and brain are long past their best
——————————————————

So do I have to get another job ?
I would love to work if I could find something completely engaging and comparatively stress free.
Something and that got me safely out of my house and delivered me back home for a few hours per week.
Something that would not reduce my already limited life prospects.
Something that made me happy.

Having already been discriminated against by my local authority employer, without recant or explanation.
I am reluctant to being abused again.
I feel as though I need different sort of relationship with my government.
I know it will never happen, but it’s part of my delusional state.

I am incurably disabled with no life prospects whatsoever so let me enjoy what I have left and don’t call it an income or wage.

Do I have an exit plan ?

Anonymouse

Dear Anonymouse, you have a lot to deal with and I don’t really know what to say as I have no idea of such pain and suffering.  I have friends with this terrible illness.  Some are better than others.  Some have better days than others.  Some are in remission. 
I wanted to reply to you today but I am going to put my thinking cap on and come back to you with a reply worthy of your post and situation if I may.
Until then I wish you a nice weekend Anonymouse and welcome to the site.  Thinking of you.  Helen

Dear Anonymouse, if you are feeling really down, please call the Samaritans or Saneline.  There is someone there always at the end of the phone who knows what they are talking about.  They care and they are professional and confidential.  Please do that Anonymouse.
Samaritans - 08457 909090 (24 hours, every day) All calls are confidential.
Here are their numbers:

Confidential emotional support to anyone who is suicidal or despairing

Saneline - 0845 767 8000 (1pm to 11pm every day)  All calls are confidential.

Thinking of you. 
Helen

Dear Anonymouse, I hope you’re ok.  I hope you don’t mind me saying but you sound very angry and with every right.  Not only are you ill, it sounds like you’ve been let down badly.  I do hope that today is a better day.  A mate of mine has recently been diagnosed with MS after a bad initial dose but they’ve told him he’s in remission.  I don’t know or understand much about it apart from seeing him go through excrutiating pains and headaches and being in hospital for weeks.  I do hope that remission is a possibilty for you.  All the best to you, Will

Dear Anonymouse, how are you?  I do hope that you are feeling better today.  I wondered if you feel that any talking therapy would help you that could be organised through your GP.  What about outpatient pain treatment for your MS?  When my sister had cancer she used to go to a local hospice every week to have pain treatment: sometimes it was a foot massage; sometimes it was a back massage or a hand massage.  Your GP should have information about such help and support.  Or would you feel like going along to a support group with people going through similar to yourself and share support?  Anyway, as I said, I do hope that you are feeling better.  Take care.  Best wishes, Helen