Hi everyone
I’ve recently joined & wondered if anyone has some wise words they can share with me. I’ve suffered depression for years & recently finally found a gp who started me on a low dose of antidepressants. But l don’t have a support network or much family & im finding myself getting more & more isolated. I have a long term health condition so after work im too tired to do much which makes it harder.

The gp offered to sign me off for two wks but due to staff shortages at work it wasn’t really an option. It complicates things that l work at the surgery where l am a patient. Iv seen a counsellor for an assessment, he gave me a booklet & said he’d see me in two wks but its getting harder to get out of bed & face the day & the people l work with. I know im not myself & im sure they wonder what’s wrong with me.

I just don’t know what to do guys. Thankyou in -advance

Dear Rainbow, I was like you last year.  I can tell you’re a caring, thoughtful and dedicated person Rainbow just by the fact that you don’t feel you can take time off at work due to there being a shortage of staff.  Karma (a guy on this forum) copied a paragraph on the site a while ago from a book called Depressive Illness - Curse of the Strong, that describes the kind of person that can typcially suffer from depression.  I’ll try and find it tonight and post it on the site to you.  I think you’ll probably see yourself in that description.
It’s not easy when you don’t have a strong support network and fear becoming isolated.
I hope your counsellor will prove to be of help.  Did you feel comfortable with the counsellor when you met?  If you didn’t, don’t be afraid to ask for another and another until you feel you have the right one.  I think a good counsellor can make a big difference.
You’d like to think because you work at the GP practice that they’ll look after you!  I hope so. There have got to be some perks of the job!
Have you thought about going out to a support group?  I’ve heard good things about self help and support groups and it’s a very social thing too.  Being with others in a similar situation helps us not feel so alone in all this.  Lots of towns have them.  You can info about them in your library, GP and on this site.  Depression Alliance is in most towns and runs a weekly support group.
I know Helen just used to go out and sit in cafes on her own and drink coffee to get out. 
I used to go out on my own to the pub and someone would always come up to me and have a chat.  It got me out of the house.
Paul on the site used to go to a support group that he enjoyed going to and got a lot of support from.
I hope you’re feeling better today.  Best, Will

Dear Rainbow,
Sorry to hear you’re struggling. The pressure of work demands and dealing with the illness can be hard to manage sometimes and for me work is something which keeps me going.

You need to look after yourself though and if you feel you need time out then take it. I came home early today because I had an awful night last night but it’s just a chance to re-charge - try to see it that way.

It’s hard because it sounds like you’re very committed but you need to take care of yourself. Ive found since joining the forum there’s some very caring people here - I have been touched by their genuine care and concern for me.

Counsellors can help - but try to find someone you feel comfortable with.

More importantly keep posting and people will always respond…..

I’m off to France for a few days - my son is working out there - a break from work which I feel I need desparately and a chance for me to re-charge batteries a little.

Will be thinking of you.

Ali

Hi will & ali

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to my post, l could tell from the forum there were some lovely caring people here. Its really kind that you share your thoughts & experience with others.

I think my problem at work is people see me as a strong capable person and l feel slightly limited with what l say to my gp as they are effectively my bosses! But l didn’t know l could ask for another counsellor, that’s good to know as the chap l spoke to although very nice didn’t seem to grasp the depth of how despairing l felt. Today wasn’t a great day but l got through it so that’s a positive.

One thing that has helped a bit which l would recommend to anyone living alone is my kittens. I lost my cat in march & decided to get 2 so they had company & they give me a reason to get out of bed & lift my heart when l get home & they are pleased to see me. In my last flat where l couldn’t have a flat l did a bit of voluntary work for the rspca & l can’t endorse that enough.

Im quite a caring person so please if anyone wants a chat if they are feeling blue l like to hope l can be as kind as you guys have been to me

I will look into the support group, thanku. I was worried id encounter some of our patients from our surgery & perhaps my boss wouldn’t be too happy about that, but actually l think it could be a good thing, perhaps less scary for them when they come into the surgery if they see a familiar friendly face.

Thank you so much x

Hello Rainbow and welcome to the site.  It’s good to hear you sounding a bit better today even though I am sure it’s not been easy.  The tone of your post today is a long way from your post a couple of days ago.  I know it can be very up and down but it’s good that today seemed like a better one.
I’m glad you’re going to try the support groups and I agree with you about it being of benefit to others in the surgery by you doing that.
I know what you mean about pets.  My dog really helped me through my bad times.  As you say, you have to get out of bed to look after them and they love you unconditionally.  Thank you for your suggestions of getting a kitten/s or doing voluntary work for the RSPCA.  What a great idea.  It reminds me of the scenario of getting the best of someone else’s children and being able to hand them back when you’ve had enough!
As Ali and Will say Rainbow, do take care of yourself and do make sure that you get a therapist you feel comfortable with so you can open up in an environment you feel safe in and with someone you feel safe and at ease with.
Thinking of you and sending you lots of well wishes, Helen

Dear Ali, have a lovely time in France with your son.  I bet and hope that it’s a lot warmer there than here.  Enjoy!  Best wishes, Helen

Dear Rainbow,

I’m sorry but I haven’t been on the site for a little while and I’ve only just read Will’s reply to your post where he mentioned one of my posts which included a passage from one of the many books that I read when I was feeling really low (thank you for thinking about me will).

The book is called “Depressive Illness - The curse of the strong” by Dr. Tim Cantopher

The In it Dr. Cantopher says:

“... depressive illness ... nearly always happens to one type of person. So much so, in fact, that it allows me my little party piece in interviews with patients, which is to tell them about their personality before they tell me .... He or she will have the following personality characteristics:

- (moral) strength
- reliability
- diligence
- strong conscience
- strong sense of responsibility
- a tendancy to focus on the needs of others before one’s own
- sensitivity
- vulnerable to criticism
- self-esteem dependent on the evaluation of others

... give a set of stresses to someone who is weak, cynical or lazy and s/he will quickly give up, so s/he will never get stressed enough to become ill. A strong person, on the other hand, will react to these pressures by trying to overcome them ... So s/he keeps going, on and on, until suddenly: BANG! The fuse blows.”

Dr. Cantopher goes on to list a handful of people who have suffered:

- Oliver Cromwell
- Abraham Lincoln
- Isaac Newton
- Edgar Allen Poe
- Ludwig van Beethoven
- Vincent Van Gogh
- Winston Churchill
- Evelyn Waugh
- Ernest Hemingway
- Tony Hancock

I found this made me feel a little better about myself because its so true, and from reading your post it certainly seems to describe you too. I thought I share it with you all in case it made you feel a little better and help you recognise the danger signs.

Wishing you all the best,

Karma

Thankyou Karma,

And you’re right that is reassuring, l remember hearing somewhere that they say depression is the curse of the strong. I think people must view me that way bcos iv just been given extra hours at work for the next couple of wks which is frustrating, but one day at a time l guess.

Do you not come to the site much bcos you’ve conquered your depression at the moment? I hope so, it gives you hope when people in the same situation may be getting on top of it

Can l also ask is there anywhere on the site where people go just to chat. There seem such nice people here, l thought it would be nice to get to know everyone. Thank you again Karma, l kind of dread the weekend a bit so its nice to get a message of support x

The book Karma mentions is excellent. I read it several years ago and re-read it earlier this year…..

I know I’m a fine one to talk but take care of yourself -I am as guilty as you at doing extra work ( working Monday which is supposed to be study day…...) for me it keeps me occupied and I think more about others but I know it’s not always helpful for me as I push myself….

France is sunny & bright which helped today a lot… Great to just have a couple of days away from everything.