Hello to everyone out there.  I have just joined and am already so comforted to have a place to contact so many other people in a similar position (sad as it is that we all have cause to be here!).  I hope everyone has had on ok day or maybe even a good day today.

All in all I don’t have a bad life really, but I do a job that I love but that causes me to work long, unsociable hours, take on a lot of responsibility, and witness sadness and grief every day - and try to help and comfort people in their grief.  All this eventually took its toll and I suffered from depression a couple of years back.  I had very marked suicidal thoughts, (which I would never have carried out as I know that I am blessed with many people who love me very much) which obviously were very distressing - especially as my job provides me with daily access to drugs I could use to take my life.  I was treated with fluoxetine and improved greatly.  I have now been off fluoxetine for 18 months.

All was going fairly well (although work was still a major stressor in my life) and I became pregnant for the first time - my husband and I were beside ourselves with excitement!  I had awful morning sickness but battled through and everyone assured me that this was a good sign and indicated a very strong baby.  Well, despite this, I sadly miscarried at 12 weeks pregnant, and had to have a D&C procedure and suffered a lot of pain afterwards.  Since then I can feel myself slipping back into the awful, dark pit of depression.  I am trying so hard not to, through exercise, eating well, and contact with friends, but I just don’t think I can stop myself from becoming very depressed again.  I went back to work far too early due to pressure from my boss (2 days after D&C!) and feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. My husband is wonderful but works even longer hours than me and is unable to support me as much as he would like.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice or words of comfort, or has been through a similar situation?  I am terrified that I will need to go back onto anti depressants as this would mean delaying starting a family further, as I would not want to take even the safest of ADs in pregnancy.

Best wishes to all of you out there.  I do hope I will be able to offer words of comfort to some of you one day.
Lizzie x

Dear Lizzie, welcome to the site and thank you for your lovely words about the forum.  It’s wonderful to have you here although as you said, it is sad that such circumstances have brought us together.
You sound like such a kind, giving, caring person Lizzie.  It sounds like you could do with some of your own TLC right now.
I wondered if support would be offered at work especially given the kind of work you seem to do and have to cope with?  Rather like counsellors having to have a mentor themselves and sessions of support themselves.
I wonder if you have spoken to anyone professionally about your depression?  You mentioned taking antidepressants but not any therapy or counselling.
I have to say that I am shocked that your employer allowed you to go back to work so soon after such a physically and emotionally painful trauma.  There is something to be said for distraction and keeping busyI know but not after so few days.
I hope that you know that your worsening state of mind is totally understandable.
It sounds like neither you nor your husband have much time for each other never mind anything over and above everyday life.  Do you feel that you and your husband would benefit from some counselling and would you consider going to the doctor together to request it?
Do you have time to do things you enjoy doing rather than just giving at work?  We all need to recharge our batteries to be able to give.  You’re giving an awful lot every day and must already be low due to what you’ve been through.  We all give more when we are nurtured ourselves.  Please bare that in mind Lizzie.
Thinking of you and hoping that you will consider getting some support for yourself in whatever form that may take to support you.  We are all very different and different things work for different people but we probably know ourselves better than anyone else and what kind of support we would benefit from whilst being guided by a professional.
Do take care Lizzie.
Best wishes, Helen

Dear Helen,
Thank you so much for your kind reply.  I am so very grateful and humbled that you took the time to write it.  Also I have recently read your book and found it such a comfort - and I am truly inspired by the way that you fought to overcome your depression and are now helping so many others.
Just the simple statement that my worsening state of mind is understandable is a very helpful thing for me to hear, and I will repeat that to myself whenever I start beating myself up for feeling this way!
I read somewhere recently that a significant proportion of women who have miscarried still have symptoms of depression after the birth of a normal, healthy baby.  As sad as this is, at least I am not alone in these feelings.

I genuinely believe that if I could reduce my working hours, I would feel vastly better.  Currently, I have very little time or energy to do the things I enjoy. I have tried to broach this subject with my employer, but he just becomes angry and tells me I give too much of myself and if I didn’t do that then I could cope just fine.  Maybe I do give too much of myself, but I’m pretty sure that working as a vet for 12 hours straight most days, with no break, would be tough on anyone!  I don’t think I’m a pathetic weakling for finding it a struggle! My husband has his own business and is working flat out to try to make it work, so all in all, we really don’t have much time for each other, but in the time that we do spend together, both of us are kind and thoughtful, and I am sure that if we could just have more fun together everything would be ok.

I have just discovered that there is a new helpline available for vets, so am considering giving it a try.  I find it horrifying that as a profession we have far higher rates of depression and suicide than any other.  I feel very passionate that something needs to be done to change this and a big goal for me once I feel better is to try to get involved and help others who are in a similar position.

I have never had therapy before, but I think I would like to give it a try.  I have an appointment with my GP on monday.  I saw him regularly through all my original depression, and my pregnancy, so I am hopeful that he will be able to help.

Kindest regards,
Lizzie

Hi lizzie-welcome to the site. First of all I think you are a very brave person to share what you have been through. Am going to send you a personal message.
Kate

Are you there Katybear?

Welcome back my friend

Yes paul am here ! What a silly time to be up !!!

Morning Katy

How are you this fine day? Well the sun is shinning and the sky is blue. I know its still cold but its a good time for a walk.

The time was very late last night, mm do you feel sleepy?

Hows the family? Small steps to a stronger outlook in life.

I hope to hear from you soon

Tc Paul

Morning Lizzie,

Welcome to this brilliant forum.

I hope I hear from you soon

Paul

Morning Helen,

Helen did you have a wonderful weekend? Did you get to see your newphew?

I had a good time with pud in the park on Sat, he was running after squirals bless him.

The sky is blue, so a walk. I have to get out and about in this Town.

I hope you have a brill day at work

Tc Paul

Hey Paul, Its amazing what a new day and a bit of sunshine does for you isn’t ? I can hear a difference in your mood already !  You mentioned before that someone had advised you to do a drawing ? If you are not so confidant about your drawing skills ( altho personally I believe that everyone can draw !!!) why not have a go at making a collage ? you can still use it to express yourself . Last year I bought a little 8x8” canvas and used a mixture of doodles,clipart, cut out words, photos and paper flowers to make my mum a gift for Mother’s Day. She loved it cos it was handmade and unique, but the more she looked at it the more she realised that it had so much about our relationship and things that were so very personal to us. Just a thought !!! Anyway, I have to get going and get to Asda and finish my hoovering. I wanted to get the car washed today as well as you can’t see the colour of it anymore for the mud . ! Take care and I hope that you got out and about and got those cobwebs blown away !
Kate

Dear Lizzie, I was wondering how your appointment went with the doctor and wishing I’d had this response before you went.  I hope it went well.

I spoke to a colleague of mine who works for the Joe Bingely Memorial Foundation, www.joebingleymemorialfoundation.org.uk, about this situation. I hope you don’t mind but I hoped it might answer a few questions or help.  Here’s what she replied:

‘Here’s a website that may be of use, http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
I would recommend that she takes herself off to the doctor and gets signed off, she needs to take time for her body to recover and to grieve. She doesn’t have to have depression put on the note, he can put complications as a result of miscarriage. Her boss could end up at a tribunal if he’s not careful. If she can join a union tell her to - mine were life savers when it all went pear shaped. Be back later if I can find some more stuff for you’

The Miscarriage Association
www.miscarriageassociation.org​.uk
Miscarriage can be a very unhappy and frightening and lonely experience. If you have been affected by miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy, we hope you will find here the information and support that you need to help you through.

Best wishes Lizzie, from Helen

Hi Kate,

Yes I am going to give it ago some pianting wish me luck lol.

Wow the creation you made for your Mum sounded brilliant. There is always something special about making things.

I have been for my walk it was 3 miles about. When I got to the seafront it looked so pretty. The water was calm and the sun was shinning down. This has given be a hugh boost today. I then went to see my little one, played some lego and did some drawing.

Hows your day been?

Paul

Hi everyone!  Thanks for all the messages.  You really are a lovely bunch of people on here, I’m so glad to have found this website!
Helen- many thanks again to you.  You continue to amaze me with your kindness, I can’t believe you took the time to look into things a bit further for me.  I think the advice given is very wise, but sadly I feel I let myself down a bit with my doctor today.  They were running about an hour late, and I felt so sorry for my GP, thinking of him getting home late to his family, and all the poor souls still in the waiting room…and I just couldn’t bring myself to say how I really felt which would inevitably have taken up a lot of time.  So my GP thinks I just don’t feel very well, and has sent me for blood tests, to see if I’m anaemic after all the blood loss, or if the pregnancy has messed up my thyroid function etc.  I do think this is worthwhile, but I am frustrated that I didn’t express myself as I should have.  We didn’t even talk about how I’m feeling at work!  However, at least if they do find something, obviously treating that will make me feel better, and also I get to talk to my GP again when I get my results. 
Paul- if you would like to chat I will message you when I get the chance.  I love walking my dog too!
Kindest regards to all,
Lizzie

Hi lizzie

Its brilliant to hear from you. Doctors somehow always run late, bless they do a mega job.
My Doc had a open door for me at all times. I had to go every week to be checked and be given my meds.

No matter what people are at docs for our illness is deeply important. Got my fingers x for you.

Kind regards

Paul

Hello Lizzie,

Welcome to the site!

I was reading your post about finding it difficult to tell your Dr. how you’re feeling.

Do you think it might help to put it in a letter that you could hand to him the next time you see him? I imagine that something along the lines of your posts would be absolutely fine.

It might also help to take one of the many online depression tests and print off the results, to take with you, so you can discuss with him.

If you feel you may be on the slippery slope back into depression please, please, please don’t delay in getting as much help as you can, as soon as you can.

I hope you’re feeling better soon.

Karma

Dear Lizzie, don’t be too hard on yourself about not getting chance to talk to the doctor about how you are really feeling.  As you say, you are being sent for tests which is good and you will get a chance to talk when you go back for your results.  As Karma suggests maybe write down what you want to say and hand it to the doctor or read it to the doctor to make sure you tell him everything you’ve been thinking about and wanting to tell him/her. It’s hard to remember everything in a short appointment especially with distractions, questions and results.  You could even explain why you didn’t get to talk about it in your last appointment if you feel like it when you go again.  To be honest, it just enforces the type of wonderful, sensitive person you are and could help him understand more about your situation and how you are feeling.
Well done for going in the first instance Lizzie. 
I hope you’re feeling ok today and look forward to hearing from you if and when you feel like it.  Take care.  Helen