hello - please can anyone identify with me? Brief background - chronically ill for all my adult life - had over 30 operations - married - one daughter - been on anti dep for over 10 years after a very stressful 1999 - illness, death of my dad, daughter had serious car crash ( ok now).  Depression plagues my life - im glass half empty and whats left is poison - hard to live with my husband says.  Almost 3 years ago my much younger sister had twins - totally unexpected - it was a huge change to her life which previously was holidays clothes make up. Her partner lives elsewhere.  This took over my life - she needed lots of support - both with babies plus general housework as she is not domesticated. I reduced my hours in work to help her and its been hard as my health is not great but I love them and want to help.  The babies make me so happy and lift my mood immeidately.  I think that is the problem.  We have such a close bond - they bring out the best in me.  I live in constant fear now of something happening to my sister and the estranged father ( who by his own admission is useless) will take them away.  I know its irrational but it takes over my life.  Its as if i cant ever be happy - whatever situation i am in i look for the pitfalls and then live them day and night.  IF everything is ok in my day I will look for something to worry about - i hate this and dont know how to stop.  This thing with my sister though is awful - i have spoken to her but shes differnt to me - she just laughs and tells me to wise up.  Is it depression that causes this?  I have had counselling and i know what i need to do but i just dont do it.  I feel I love these boys too much - makes me question my own life - is it normal to love your sister’s children??  She is like a daughter tho - 15 years between us.
Can anyone advise me please - thank you.

Hello, if you don’t mind me saying it sounds like you’ve had good reason to feel stressed, negative and depressed with so many events but if you’ve lived in a happy postive state once you can again and it sounds like you want to.  Have you ever had any therapy or do you feel that you would benefit from talking to someone to try to help with your depression and hopefully get to the bottom of why you always feel you look for the negative?  Maybe something from your past has made you afraid of ‘looking on the bright side’ for fear of scuppering what’s good or tempting fate or maybe it’s learned behaviour.  We all make our own coping strategies.  Maybe your’s is not expecting too much so you won’t be disappointed.  A therapist can help us find better coping strategies that serve us and our lives and loved ones better.
Children bring light into many lives. Not having children myself my nephew does that for me too. There was article in the Mail on Sunday You Magazine yesterday about aunties and niece and nephew relationships.  Maybe you saw it.  All of these people are very much involved with their neices and nephews.  If your sister and family appreciate your help and you enjoy giving it then all well and good. If you are worried and others are worried that it’s unhealthy then you may want to consider going to your GP to ask for a referral to talk to an expert about it.
It’s not easy for partners who are with someone who is depressed.  They are often thrown into this role without any support or experience. There is a carer forum on this site and there are support groups for carers in many towns now, just as there are support groups for depression sufferers in most towns if you are comfortable in group therapy. 
Take care and be in touch if and when you feel like it.
Best wishes, Helen
Click here for article.

Thank you for your reply Helen.  Yes I did see the article - its where I saw this website advertised.  There is no problem with the contact I have with the children - my sister is very grateful and I think we all benefit as I can help with the practicalities but also spend quality time with them.  I think what has happened is since all these negative things in my life is I built a wall around me and my immediate family - the rationale being the less i do the less potential there is to go wrong.  I had a quiet life which revolved around work and home - that was it.  Having so much surgery has stopped me having a normal life - holidays for example are very rare - i had to really close down my life in order to remain in work as i just do not have the energy.  When the babies came along everything changed and I had no control over any of it - and i think that is where the anxiety comes in.  Fear that something bad is going to happen - its a horrible place to be in.  I am having therapy and she agrees that the constant medical issues are a problem.  At the moment I am faced with major surgery for a potentially cancerous problem - its not malignant at the moment but may become so - problem is the surgery itself is risky and even if it all goes well there will be a long recovery period.  My sister is so dependant on me I cant face taking the risk of surgery and so i have to deal with the daily symptoms which are difficult.
Its a terrible dilemma as the doctors are also concerned about the surgery - i have terrible adhesions.
So yes I have reason to be depressed and anxious and i expect i always will have which is why I must change my outlook and rid myself of this negative cloak that surrounds me.  Thank you for your reply - im sure i will visit regularly.