hi im new to this so hi im mandy and i have sufferd from depression since i was 14 mam and dad divorced then got into a bad relationship had a baby to him left him but sufferd a lot of abuse he used to pull his own hair in temper spit at me was a nutter,anyway got away from him and got my daughter away and done the best i could with my daughter and she blamed me for splitting up with him and she turned on me she is 16 but also has been evil to me hit me told lies to me she drinks and we have a awful relationship mind you her step grandad was grooming her from the age of 11 unknown to me he was buying her drink and cigaretes and was asking her for sex now i still dont know the full truth ,but he did get done for grooming ,eh my god its one for jeremy kyle this one lol hence i have been on antidepressants for years ventaflaxine prozac citalapram and counselling and i still feel down and have got low self esteem and hate myself on a better note i found a lovely man 5 years ago and he has stayed with me through all of this and we have a beautiful baby girl together called maisy he is a lovely man but he also is a little bit controlling,doesnt like me going out etcxx

Mandy, that’s a lot to deal with.  I would say that’s all quite enough to make one depressed so I hope you’re not hard on yourself for being so.  Your daughter sounds a sweetie as does your husband.  Can I ask what you do that is for you and makes you happy?  Helen

hi helen well i do like to keep myself nice and love buying clothes and shoes im obsessed with shoes and always pick up a bargain ha ha i was going swimming and going to weightwatchers as i lost 20 and a half pound but then me and my older daughter fell out well she belted me in the garden and i started eating loads and my partner has just got a job so im in the house on my own now and get no help with maisy.xoh and the swimming was knocked on the head as my partner said i was out to long i dnt really think he can cope with maisy on his ownxx

hi thanks and i do go out with my baby but have got to push myself and i dont really like goin out where i live as it was well known what happed to my older daughter and feel like everybody knows my buisiness as it was really bad somebody set fire to his car and everything,i have been to mind and done the cbt before which i found helpful anyway we may be moving soon to another village so maybe thats what we need a new start .and im just going back to work for 1 day but am worried about that x

Hello Mandy, I guess a move would give you a new start.  It would be nice to think that people don’t talk or judge but I guess some people do.  You’re the most important one here though.  A friend of mine used to suggest that I imagine everyone on the loo or naked when feeling intimidated or worried about others or public speaking!  It worked for me.  I found it most amusing instead of being worried.  Try it and go out and hold your head high. 
Your daughter is a teenager and I’m sure like any teenager has her own issues going on - a lot of them I’m sure parents have no control over and just have to hope they grow up and come back to them.  My friends with teenagers say they try not to take their behaviour personally.  However I’m sure it isn’t that easy when you are at the brunt of it.
What a beautiful name you’ve given your daughter.  Would your mother enjoy looking after her sometimes for you to continue your swimming or some activity you enjoy?  I know some friends of mine have exercise/zumba DVDs that they do at home while their babies watch or sleep but that’s not for everyone.
I can imagine your partner doesn’t find it easy to look after your daughter but babies aren’t easy are they?  Give and take would be the ideal compromise but again that’s not always easy to negotiate.

Going back to work probably seems daunting right now after a year off work but you might feel once you’ve done it that it’s the best thing you’ve ever did.  It will get you out of the house and mixing with adults who talk!  Have you heard of Rescue Remedy?  It’s a Bach Flower herbal remedy that a lot of people swear by to calm them when they are worried about something.  I always carry a bottle in my handbag.  Who will look after Maisy when you do go back Mandy?
Thinking of you Mandy. Helen

Hi Mandy, my name’s Will.  My wife used to leave our daughter with my mum so that she could do stuff.  My mum loved having the time with our daughter so everyone was a winner.  I know you say that your mum suffers with depression but I wondered if you could leave your daughter with your partner’s mum sometimes so you can do your swimming or weight watchers or just have some time at home?  Take care. Will