Hi

I came across this site while looking at a website which advises on dealing with financial problems. 

I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago and was controlling it with medication.  I have now come off the medication and thought I was doing ok but I seem to struggle to control my emotions and thoughts while at work. I am fine at home though.  I work in an open plan office within a team of 6.  I have found it quite difficult to talk to my colleagues since an incident last year when I fell out with one of my colleagues because she was saying nasty things about me and I was then was signed off work for 7 weeks with postnatal depression (my baby is now 2 and a half).

I wondered whether anyone else feels that they find it hard to relate to others either at work or socially?

I do feel like an outcast at work and have even considered applying for other jobs to get away from the people I work with.  I am not able to talk to any of them about my condition so do feel very isolated.  I can’t even speak to my boss as she always takes the side of my colleagues when I try to speak to her about how I feel when trying to fit back into the team.

Any advice would be appreciated because I feel like I am taking backward steps instead of feeling better.  I dont really want to go back on the medication again as that just masks the issues I face.

Thanks

Hi Xx I try to imagine the people that test me and try me, as spiritual lessons, to toughten me up for the big one where I’ll need to have the skills for later life to look after my little girl Xx hey it helps me Xx I have been in a similar situation to you and felt uncomfortable around certain people, I then found the people I get along with feel uncomfortable around the same people !!!! it’s not just me, lucky you don’t have anything in common with this girl you might act rotten like her. My husband shakes me out of my negative thoughts with reminding me of all the nice people I know and the people I get along with, are really wonderful kind hearted fun loving people who are a joy to be around. I found in my life there is always somebody who hasn’t matured to other peoples levels because they have had it too easy or they are younger and not wisened up enough. I listened to Byron Katie with Dr wayne dyer making your thoughts work for you. I bought the cds on Amazon for £15 and i trully believe listening to her has changed my life. She made me see everything in a different perpective. I also read marissa peer book ulitmate confidence, I thought she is on here with her helping staring me right in the face, I should at least read her book and its brilliant, full of sound excellent advice and she comes across as a really nice lady. You must remember you are not alone with the way you feel, I could name lots of people off the top of my head who have the same feelings as you including me and they are horrid self distructive thoughts when I get them, they are horrid and lead me to depression. I was listening to jerry and ester Hicks today the vortex about manifesting good things to me. They say dwell on the good and you’ll draw it to you, dwell on the bad and you’ll draw bad. True I thought Xx there is always that old saying smile and they wonder what your smiling about plus its very attractive to smile and it does draw positive things to me when i am happy so i guess they have a very obvious point. Richard bandler says if you have a bad negative thought tell it to F**K off marissa has all this in her book too. I read books saying think positive yer boy great I would if I could, then I listened to byron and marrissa and they give you the skills the techniques on how it is done and now I can acheive the happy in me using these skills. I wouldn’t say they are instant because I am a deep thinking and I guess I need to feel the pain to get the benefit each to their own. However by starting to adopt a different thought process a different belief system it is starting to work. Marissa practices the presumed/premise belief I AM ENOUGH, I practiced that and it has turned my world around. Your beautiful enough to be my friend your kind enough to be my friend your worthy enough to be my friend your worthy enough to be able to go into to work and do your job, you are clever enough to work there you are good enough not to be troubled by this dreadful girl at work you don’t need the approval of anybody because you are enough you are loveable enough XXx and wonderful enough to be working running a house a husband and a two year old your amazing XXXX YOU ARE ENOUGHXXX When this happens to me I know I need to smile through it, like the little children do with the bullies at school because 9 times out of 10 that bully is having or had a bad time and they are hurting inside and either have to pick themselves up pulling other people down or they have been hurt and need to be loved. Oh gosh did you watch that film with Julia Roberts about the girls and the school teacher and there was this really nasty girl who kept bullying one of the other girls it gets the point in the film when the bully gets really really evil and the nice girl marches over to her I think she is going to throw a punch and the nice girl hugs the bully and kisses her and the bully sobs her heart out in her arms because the bully has a horrid hubby, have you seen that movie, gosh what’s it called Xx oh gosh Julia Roberts rides a push bike and all the girls shout good bye to her from a car at the end. Byron Katie wrote an excellent book loving what is Xx I guess by adopting that principle it stops me being angry and then I pity my bullies helps me to stop having self distructive thoughts. Byron also gets clients to turn it around, i.e in my case when I say ‘She doesn’t like me’ the truth is I don’t like the other person, is my negative body language creating barriers between those people whom I don’t like, in turn they shun me. then accepting I don’t like them I am in control and not the victim I was and I no longer wade in my pity pool. I hope my experiences help develop some empathy, I hope they promote some great ideas in yourself, because you know how to resolve this, you really do XXXHUGXX I can’t offer you advice because my advice and my way might not be your way, but I can offer you my experience and my experiences are the nearest I can get to empathy Xx you have friends here and we are ready to listen XXHUG HUG HUGXX always XX I know I have had similar experiences and in the end it worked out for the greater good and I am happy now about the people who just had nothing in common with me. Please find a way somebodys way either by using marissas skills or byron katies or a skilled trained person who can give you the skills that suite you to stop you feeling sad at work because it is horrible and you shouldn’t have to feel that way. Hey look at Jesus the perfect man what did people do nail him to a cross. It’s not you XXX it’s just some shit happening in somebody elses life at the moment. This is what I would say to a friend to make her feel better I hope it works for youXXHUGXX Stay in your loving thoughts capsule and smile through it GORGEOUS LADY XXX

Keep smiling truth will out Xx always does Xxx Be true to yourself Xxx love yourself XX because you are enough Xxx Beautiful enough kind enough clever enough adorable enough and always will be and always be enough Xx

Angel71 XXXMike Dooley TUT from the universe xX says Xxx
Repeated frustrations and disappointments,are always a reflection of repeated misunderstandings and presumptions
Made me think Xx would that be our cognitive solution to rejection ? Byron Katie says our thoughts lie to us they are not true they are falsehoods and when I challenge my thoughts after feelings of rejection brought on by my negative thoughts I realise I lie to myself, what I tell myself is not the truth !!! actually I am quite horrible to myself at times because my negative horrid thoughts are making me ill. Marissa saying I am enough prevents the horrid thoughts in me, because I am enough and there is no need to put myself down XX HOPE I HELPED XXX All these gurus have cured thousands of people with these ideas and I have to say they work really well on me, took a while to get there Xx yet they help me so much when I feel powerless and rejected Xxx

Angel71 talk about synchronicity I recieved this newsletter from Dave crips the life coach today

“We don’t see things as
they are, we see things
as we are. ”

Anaïs Nin

I found this in Dave’s newsletter hope it helps Xx
Tip 46 – Creating positive relationships
TipsRead
TestimonialsSee
Associated
Newsletter for
quotes & humour
on this topicArrange a FREE coaching session It’s not a mere cliché to say that business and life are mainly about relationships. It’s a fact that both a successful life and successful business are built on strong connections between individuals, families, teams and organisations.

When relationships go wrong it’s so easy to get into the ‘I’m right – you’re wrong’ mind set. This is generally not very productive, and it can be hard to let go of this judgement.

It’s not usually possible to examine the other person’s beliefs in these situations, so in order to make any headway self-examination is the first step.

The most powerful method for doing this I have found comes from The Work by Byron Katie. who has developed a simple three step process that can have profound effects.

The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that enables you to identify and question thoughts that cause you suffering. It’s a way to understand what’s affecting you, and to address your problems with clarity.

In its most basic form the three steps are:

A. An analysis of the situation - express your judgments on paper

B. Asking four questions

C. Creating multiple perspectives and ‘Turning them around’

Let’s take a simple example. You might think that someone doesn’t understand you. Do you know someone about whom you have had that thought? Fill in their name in the example.

Step A - Express your judgments on paper

The Work process would be to write down: “[Name] doesn’t understand me.”

Step B – Ask and write down your answers to the four questions:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Step C – Create multiple perspectives and ‘Turn them around’
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to ‘my thinking’ wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine, specific examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you’ve judged have in common.
For example, “[Name] doesn’t understand me” can be turned around to “[Name]  does understand me.” Another turnaround is “I don’t understand [Name] .” A third is “I don’t understand myself.”
Being creative with the turnarounds gives you revelations that show you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others.
Enter into the world of each of the turnarounds and live them. You can discover for yourself that the judgements you make of others can be just your own projections.
As Byron Katie puts it “As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me, I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind (thinking ill thoughts of you). If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.”
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others.
And so by re-evaluating your beliefs you can take the first step in creating a much more positive relationship.

Hope this helps XxHUGXX

“We don’t see things as
they are, we see things
as we are. ”

Anaïs Nin

When the girl at work was judging you, she was really judging herself. Judge not than judge yourself. (ie when you judge others you judge yourself) See your own faults in others. She thought she had something to say about you, yet she was really highlighting her own weaknesses Xx Hug Xx
Ghandi says the only devils are those running about in our own hearts. The girl that was cruel to you was very wrong Xx she has lots of demons she projected onto you Xx I smile back and turn the other cheek and would not stoop to her level then you are being professional at work, I would then get it off my chest with a great friend that understands me Xx hopefully other people can then see her as being the nasty bully she is XX GOOD LUCK XX

I received this from Mike dooley today TUT from the universe Xx
It’s not unreturned love, from a certain someone, that hurts. It’s just that sometimes the “thing” you’re focusing on, keeps you from feeling all the love that others are sending you.
Hope this helps Xx sorry to bombard you just hope some of it helps Xx

Chloe

Thank you so much for replying to my post.  I will take your words on board and look into getting the books you suggested.  I guess one of the problems I have at work is that I dont have anyone I can talk to about how I feel to see whether I am having irrational thoughts again or not so I think that if I can analyse my own thought processes myself then I am not relying on other people’s judgement of me.

You are right, I am enough and I CAN do my job.  I just have to learn that I can’t rely on the other people I work with to help or support me because they are not capable of doing so. 

I took a week’s leave last week and when I went back into work I was called to a meeting with my manager who gave me ‘feedback’ from my colleagues on what I had asked them to help me with while I was away so I now know that I can’t rely on any of them for their support.

Thank you again for your kind words.

Hello Angel Xx gosh you have been through the wars bless Xxx Hey whatever feedback is it is other peoples oppinions. I choose to listen to other people or I don’t funny how I dismiss oh I loved your Oh wasn’t that wonder oh your are clever can I help That was kind of you. All I ever hear is the horrid yuck FEEDBACK !!!! who in dam nation created the dreadful appraisal. Do you see a plack in honour of them anywhere ‘this person was clever enough to destroy job satisfaction and make people feel rotten’ presented in honour of MR/Mrs feedback !!! I find with feedback it’s down to the person delivering it the power junkie who pulls themself up on other peoples misfortune ‘nah nah nah I am better than you’ I did have a lovely boss once and he had to tell me I talked too much, he looked so worried about this. When he told me I said my school reports said the same and try as I must I haven’t changed please forgive me for being a chatter box and he smiled and said a very nice chatter box at that. I loved that boss he was adorable and we ran the best ship shaped successful department. It’s not about YOU it’s about the leadership qualities of the CAPTAIN if they want to build morale on a ship they need to look after their men properly. A good carpenter looks after his tools, oils them sharpens them keeps the tools of his trade in ship shape and with them he creates a masterpiece. A bad carpenter lets them rust, leaves them BLUNT. Being BLUNT and creating upset in staff is a very bad practice. You should have come away from your appraisal with a win win. Kotler would say look after your existing customers and you won’t need to find new ones. Similar to finding new staff, interviewing them, advertising. training them up, it all cost the organisation alot of man power hours and time. Why is this daft boss, creating a win lose in you. I am not saying you should be pandaed to, yet they should have the better management skills to help you take it on the chin. You can’t blame yourself. However there are places I have worked with awful bosses and the top manager said he was the only applicant we had to employ him, sorry guys. Then I have had a boss like Mr Brittas in the brittas empire, yet with a heart of gold and taken his whole MBA too seriously and destroyed staff morale with FEEDBACK !!!! However without practice and feedback I would never improved. I now thank all the nasty evil comments in my life I learnt I grew and I am now in a better place XXx it was all character building stuff, it made me stronger XXhugXXx I am so happy to hear you are using the I am enough it works wonders XXXHUGXXX

We are a team on this website we support eachother with trust and solidarity Xx sadly sometimes in other places in my life I don’t have that support, when it happens I feel uncomfortable I feel sad I cry I go down hill. My husband can tell who I spent the day with by my mood. There are people who drain me there are people that make me laugh so much I cry there are people who make me feel loved there are people who make me feel I am acquainted and nothing more. I in the past I would want to be really liked by all these people. Oh yes the people pleaser in me gets all restless when I feel uncomfortable, oh I must be liked. Then I realised it about respect, the I am enough has taught me to respect myself. I was taken under the wing once by a really wise man, he sat me down and said you talk too much, you tell people too much about yourself, you need to play the game like me, wink wink. He was very very clever and with his emotional intelligence and guidance I thrieved, other people to this day talk about the change in me, yet they are mere acquaintances. Yet I am still the same old me. I just learnt where and when I could be myself, my own protocol. I once had to address a large company of men and I was frightened the man in charge said Act ! Act I said , yes act you know what you know you are doing. Oh it was a tough act, yet I did it being me !! silent smiley and not making much of an effort to impress. At the end of the exercise the lads said you have been the nicest directional staff we have ever had, I heart lept for joy. I found that with some people I have to keep myself to myself and others I can be myself. Somebody said to me once you don’t have to try so hard be yourself, we like you for who you are, I said to them this is myself ! so why don’t you like me, like this Xx It’s other peoples perceptions and they are all different, all different oppinions and judgements and beliefs and cultures. Thats why I have really respected and come to love Marrisa’s advice ‘I am enough’ because I would go mad wanted to be liked by everybody and if I was I wouldn’t be much of a friend because I wouldn’t have the time and the capacity to appreciate everybody and somebody would get neglected. XXXLOVE YOUXXXHUG YOUXXXBEAUTIFUL YOUXXX that means you LOVE you as well Xx

P.s Remember the name of the web site is Depression can be fun Xx because the sadness doesn’t last for ever, You might look back and laugh at yourself at them the whols situation and hey it can be fun chatting to depressed people I know there are so really lovely people on this site Xx My husband always says ‘look after the people who care about you and forget the nasty ones’ Mike dooley said the same. I say listen to the lovely 999 comments XXX and ignore the 1 or 2% negative comments which are just somebody elses oppinions Are they true ? doubt it because at the end of the day it’s just a perception and are perceptions true ummm who knows. Most mavericks make great leaders, the people who don’t fit in there is usually only one place for them the top of the pyramidXx Did they empirical record the facts and draw up any standard deviations or prove it with high non significance NO ! The world is round not flat, witches don’t get burnt anymore (what a shame ops). And your good enough to do the job or they would fire you and if they do that you’ll probably end up somewhere really nice and they would have done you a favour and lost a valuable employee and need to find somebody else at their expense Xx sorry shall jump off my soap box now xx HUG XX

p.p.s I sometimes choose to ignore other peoples oppinions, like when my husband says I have spent too much on shopping I just ignore him teee heee Xx

I was thinking what Trisha said once on a show ’ Success is the best revenge’ Xx I was also thinking of the song speaking words of wisdom let it be ... Then my favourite phrase is you can have whatever you want in this life as long as you don’t want it. I created that for a friend who fancied somebody who didn’t fancy her and the bloke who fancied her she didn’t fancy. Tony Robbins who does alot of research on people and success, said he researched the most popular guy once so he could model him and diascovered he wasn’t a very nice person. Sometimes being popular is not about being nice. Hitler was a very popular bloke. Hope my deep thinking makes you realise it’s not about you XX hug xxx

Hi Chloe, Ive just read every word youve typed as you are a great writer and I find it so interesting to read about your life experience, so much of what you say really makes sense and really gets me thinking, you are wonderful - and are helping so many people on here.

I cant praise you enough - hope your ok Angel - sorry hope you didnt me looking in on here, I love having a catch up on here when I get the chance which isnt often.

I really want to change my attitude and will take alot of your wisdom on board.

Oh love you Kayfer Thank you Xx XXxxXxxxXxxxxXxx How are you xx I have just got back from swimming I love the way my muscles feel all warm. I saw some lads in the pool leading a team of children and on the back of their t shirts was M E N D mind exercise Nutrition and Do it Xxx I thought yes that would be a key phrase to help depression to ie .mend, Mind your negative thoughts Exercise Nutrition and the nike Do it Xx how wonderful Xxx succinct and true Xx I hope I mend soon ha ha how could we make one and add water to it to remind me teee heee I thought the D could stand for daily as well as do it ha ha Xx because I do forget to do it daily teeee heee XXHUGXXXLOVE YOUXXX