Depression Can Be Fun Magazine Interviews
YOU Magazine Article
HELEN McNALLEN, 44, is more like a second mum than an aunt to her seven-year-old nephew Thomas. She and her sister, full-time mum LIZ McNALLEN-JONES, 42, both live in Worksop, Nottinghamshire.
HELEN I’ve always wanted children, but I was terrified of taking a career break while working as a trader on the London Stock Exchange. It didn’t help that my husband’s sporadic freelance earnings meant I was responsible for paying the mortgage and bills – we couldn’t afford a baby. When I was 32 I had a nervous breakdown because of work pressure, and was diagnosed with depression. I thought a baby might help, but my doctor advised against it because there’s some medical evidence that the antidepressants I was on, lithium, might cause abnormalities in babies if taken when pregnant. Then I separated from my husband when I was 39. Not having children is one of my biggest regrets, but my nephew Thomas is so special that he fills my days with joy. I’d lay down my life for him.
While Liz was pregnant with Thomas in 2004, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. He was delivered a month early, and she then had a mastectomy before beginning chemotherapy. She wasn’t allowed skin-to-skin contact with Thomas while having treatment because babies are vulnerable to the toxicity of the drugs used, so I helped her husband Chris look after him for the first year of his life. It was a steep learning curve. I was terrified of dropping him or making up his bottles wrong. But it meant that I was there for all his firsts – his first steps, his first words. He once called me Mummy by mistake because I spent so much time with him that he didn’t know who was who. That must have hurt Lizzie, but she didn’t let on. She was always shielding everyone else from her problems, telling them not to worry. She’s defied doctors by being here seven years later – at one point she was so ill we didn’t think she’d last the night.
Thomas is my number-one fan now, and I see him at least twice a week. We have sleepovers at his house or mine, where we’ll eat sweets and watch a DVD. He’s such a little character – in the mornings, he insists on copying me, sitting there in his pyjamas drinking coffee from a cup and saucer. He gets very excited when I pick him up from school in my convertible, and loves singling Lady Gaga with the roof down. I guess I’m the fun auntie, taking him to coffee shops and to swimming lessons. Lizzie often says he would rather spend time with me than her – but children are like that about their parents! She’s very protective of him because of her illness, although that doesn’t make her soft with him – she’s actually very strict.
When I meet someone new, I can’t wait to tell them about my nephew and show them the photo I keep of him on a key ring. My walls are covered with paintings he’s made for me over the years, and I’m never without the purple bracelet he bought with his pocket money for my last birthday. I’m just hoping he won’t go through a sulky teenage phase – but he didn’t go through the terrible twos, so fingers crossed.
LIZ Helen is like a second mum to Thomas – there’s an unconditional love between them. He jumps in excitement when he sees her at the door. It’s so lovely to see. She always says, ‘If I could have children, I’d want them to be just like Thomas.’ I do wonder whether he’d be jealous if she had any of her own. She puts him first, and she wouldn’t be able to do that if she was a mum. She’s always bringing friends round to meet her nephew – not her sister!
The first year of his life was hell, and I asked Helen if she would help my husband look after Thomas if I died. I didn’t know if Chris would be strong enough to cope on his own. She put her depression to one side to care for us. She’s always there, taking me to hospital appointments (I’m not yet in remission), and going swimming with Thomas if I’m too poorly.
He idolises Helen, and we’ve even put another bed in his room for their sleepovers. Chris and I were recently joking about Helen being a bimbo because she is a bit dizzy sometimes and doesn’t remember what time we’re meeting and Thomas piped up, ‘What’s that?’ When I said it’s someone who’s a bit forgetful, he was very defensive and said, ‘Auntie Helen never forgets me.’ He’s so caring, perhaps because of my illness, and when Helen was ill recently, he put a blanket over her on the sofa and made her a cup of tea.
I know Helen regrets not having children, and that Thomas fills a void in her life. Having said that, she’s very busy. She has set up a charity called Depression Can Be Fun and is often away giving talks. Even at her most hectic she always finds time for Thomas. I think she’d have made a brilliant mother, but being a brilliant aunt is just as important.
For more information about Helen’s charity, visit www.depressioncanbefun.com
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