Hi again, right proper reply this time!

Helen - yes work are ok with the extra month, uumm I’ve been thinking a bit about my job since I’ve been off, it’s hard for me to tell really coz it’s my first ‘proper’ job if you like…if you asked me what i enjoyed doing i would never have said ‘Health and Safety’ as it’s far to clinical for me and well a bit dry really, i would have probably said i’d end up doing something with the county council more community based etc…i did go for a job which would have been doing the healthy eating for school project and i imagine something like that would suit me more, something softer and not the kinda account management stuff i’m in now…also it’s hard for me to tell coz my promotion co-incided with the relationship etc, actually the guy turned down the offer and decided to move elsewhere so i took the job they offered him…so i never settled into it coz of all that…and my reasons for taking it at the time where just to learn something different and well the money if i’m honest….i did say to my mum though if i don’t like it i can always change but that’s somtehing i’m not so good at….once i’ve said yes or committed to something i really want to make it a success and work etc, and my thinking about what actually suits me goes out the window…same for relationships too i guess, then i feel like a failure when they don’t work even though the core reason isn’t really in my control…if that makes sense.

but i have been off for 6 months now and i am aware that work feel this is the crunch stage etc….so i am feeling the pressure definitely.

thanks also chloe, again you are right and i think i project a lot of my feelings onto other people, i’m worried when i go back i’ll still be ill and therefore be too sensitive to things or just look totally wide eyed all the time.

i must admit since friday i haven’t been very good…today i got up even later, hence the time of this reply and have just been in my tense, down bubble all the time….almost feel like i’m now holding my breath for the work thing and i have a month to hold that breath where the tension etc will just be escalating.

i’m supposed to be going to london on friday with my mum for the weekend but my head is just not in the real world and again that’s why i’m worried about work…but i know the theory is that it will be better for me to concentrate on other things to get out of my head…just not sure if my brain feels like it’s solved the problem yet if that makes sense…like it must hang onto these thoughts etc for a reason right?!

hope u r all having a good week,

Sarah x

Sarah Xx your wonderful the way you are. Gosh you do health and saftey you deserve a medal health and saftey at work at 1974 states that any body who might see an protentional hazard that might occur are meant to do something about it not just one person designated…..to prevent the accident so everybody in that workplace is responsible for the spill say if they see it not JUST YOU Xx hug Xx it’s not just your problem sarah and its not just your fault ...you got ill hug xx now you need to fill out a COSHH report Care of Sarah Help Her get better and go and get some gorgeous spoiling done for you with your mum you have been ill and you need some love laughter and fun back into your life Xx Sarah your not just the one responsible for you and those people really like you and they want to see you get better and better and there by the grace of god nobody else gets depression its horrid horrid horrid and you have been sooooooo strong and you are pulling yourself through this you are wonderful Xx you are Xx You have a sick note and work would want you to get better XhugX Chloe

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”

—Wayne Dyer

To Your Abundance ...

This came through today Xx dancing is not a crime Xx hug

When your down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I’ll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring , summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You’ve got a freind.
If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Winter, Spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They’ll hurt you and desert you.
Well they’ll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don’t you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don’t you know that,
Winter Spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you’ve got to do is call.
Lord, I’ll be there, yes I will.
You’ve got a friend.
You’ve got a friend.
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.
You’ve got a friend.

James Taylor - You got a friend

Lyrics to Enjoy Yourself (It’s Later Than You Think) : THE specials XX BECAUSE YOUR SPECIAL SARAH xX
Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think

Hello, I’m Terry, and I’m going to enjoy myself first

It’s good to be wise when you’re young
‘Cos you can only be young but the once
Enjoy yourself and have lots of fun
So glad and live life longer than you’ve ever done

Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think

Never right, yes I know
Get wisdom, knowledge and understanding
These three, were given free by the maker
Go to school, learn the rules, don’t be no faker
It’s not wise for you to be a foot stool

Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think

Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think
[ Enjoy Yourself (It’s Later Than You Think) Lyrics on

Thanks Chloe!

Had a marginally better day today, wrote some stuff down before i went to bed and wrote a job list for today which i think helped, so i managed to do a few small tasks today, just like ironing and cleaning and stuff but that’s ok.

have got the docs 2moro to review my GP’s report so i’ll be able to vent a little bit then i think!

i’m gonna do a little job list for 2moro too….just trying to keep focussed on one day at a time and not my whole life and how i’m gonna solve all my life problems lol x

Sarah Xx your amazing ...you see I won’t be wrong you can pull through this Xx I was thinking its not just your responsibility for being off sick its sorta everybodys like the 1974 act Xx the doctors responsible to you and your work is too…My guess is that everybody would like to see you getting better and its not all down to you….the doctors prescibe the drugs and the bosses need you !!! they want you to do a good job…they might also be thinking did we cause this ? Your the most important person in the world and I wish you could see how much it doesn’t matter all that matters is that you enjoy the day ...enjoy being you Xx and start to see you are a very very special gorgeous person that needs to look after number one xx Helen was saying all this to me today so i am repeating her advice to me to you because its true XhugXx Chloe

This ones a deep one are you ready for it Sarah .....whoooooosh…..

Actually, as people progress into possessing a greater spiritual awareness, they finally stop relying so heavily on the tools of intellect, logic, and common sense. A new freedom is then achieved, their assent is accelerated, and a blossoming takes place.

But then later, into ever higher and higher realms of human consciousness, these tools are rediscovered and embraced; used with insight, balance, and care. And, would you believe, new freedoms are found, their acceleration is accelerated, and their blossoms blossom.

Who’d have thunk?
  The Universe

ha ha Xxx

YOUR DAILY INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

—Anna Quindlen

To Your Abundance ...

OH WOW LOVE LOVE THIS ONE Xx

just a short update, went to the doctors today to look at the letter she’s written for my work, it’s an ok letter even though it does cite my previous case of anxiety back in 2005 when i saw a psychiatrist etc…but i guess the thing i really hate about it is that it blurs the line between the professional and the personal etc…the letter talks about a relationship being the trigger etc and i just hate the thought of colleagues etc knowing all about me like that, it seems weird somehow and makes me feel uncomfortable.

i went to see a friend afterwards and she was like if you take all the anxiety etc out of everything and you had a chance for a different career would u feel like something different would suit you more…and the honest answer is yes, i do feel there are other careers out there which would suit me more, i’m not sure if sales and account management is really me, probably not when all is said and done…but now it feels like that is a WHOLE other thing to think about, like that feels massive and tbh i’d have to start again, i don’t know i can’t work it out in my head….is it worth me trying to go back anyway but with the thought of leaving? or is that just silly….kinda what i do with relationships just go into them thinking well i can get out if i want to…?! i’m just really confused at the moment!

on the plus side, well kinda plus, spoke to my GP today and she was basically that’s your NHS counselling over so i have the numbers of 3 private therapists so 2moro i’m gonna try and phone all 3 and book intro appts with them, see costs etc, they are all spread round a bit so might just come down to distance too.

just feel lost and confused again, i feel kinda positive coz one of the therapists was recommended to her by one of her friends and she said it really helped her etc but on the other hand i feel like i’ve got all this stuff to sort out but it’s kinda 70% in my head etc!

anyway hopefully i can get through london this weekend even if i dont enjoy it fully! x